Bad News Bears

by Will

Saw this (Bad News Bears, no “The” thank you) on Sunday with Kevin and Kirk. It’s was Kirk’s idea, based (I think) almost solely because he loved a scene in the original where a kid kicks another kid in the balls. So we went.

Well, I loved this movie! The Bad News Bears (original) is one of my favorite movies — perhaps my FAVORITE baseball movie, and I think this was BETTER. At the very least, it’s a model of how to remake a movie that was already good (as many people have pointed out, Hollywood seems to remake movies that don’t need it — like The Ring — rather than movies which DO, like, I don’t know, Mystery Men or something). They kept everything that was good — the music, the drinking, Kelly Leak catching the first pitch thrown to him, the shot of the American flag, the kid getting kicked in the balls — and improved stuff that seems shaky when you look back on it — like the crucial incident where the bad guy coach confronts his own son on the mound. Increasing screen time for Attorney Whitehead’s character was GREAT. Marcia Gay Harden as the overachieving, competitive single mom lawyer was super-hilarious.

Anyway, Walter Matthau in the original is STILL the best part of either film. But Billy Bob Thorton was really great. You can say “Well, he’s just doing his Bad Santa thing again.” Or you can say “He’s a goddamn really good actor who hit both parts out of the park — who cares if they’re similar?”

There were far more similiarities between this and the original than there were differences, but the changes were great. Adding a kid in a wheelchair would sound like overdoing it, but it was hilarious. The actual baseball playing was better and more exciting in this movie. There seemed to be a lot fewer kids on the team in this picture — but they spent more time on each one. I was worried they’d sanitize this movie — one thing that really stands out of the old one is how MUCH Buttermaker drinks, and how horrible he is with the kids. They didn’t soften that at all.

As far as the kid actors, Linklater seems to have a really cool approach: they don’t act like actors. They act like kids. They’re stiff, they’re not sure how to say what they want to say. I think it’s incredibly effective. I buy into them as kids, and feel badly for them. Sure, Tatum O’Neill seemed more impressive as an actor in the original movie as the wunderkind pitcher, but Sammi Kane Kraft in this film was more real to me. She looked like a girl who had only recently started to think of herself as a girl, and was trying out that feeling. And for her to step on the mound was both comforting, but maybe a little bit of a step back. She was admitting that she wanted to impress this man who used to be kind of a father to her. And then she kicks the shit out of everyone who steps to the plate.

The script of this movie is SO GOOD. Baseball is TOO OFTEN an excuse for old men to get nostalgic. The secret to making a good baseball movie is to emphasize the underlying dirtbag elements: see Bull Durham, see A League of Their Own, see The Bad News Bears. Do NOT see The Natural, Field of Dreams, Bang the Drum Slowly.

But then again, the great thing about Bad News Bears is how even with all the dirtbag stuff — there’s still room for the games to have stakes. They can spend a while making the coach out to be a depraved alcoholic, and the kids to be talentless and uninvested — but then still have you wanting so badly for the kids to do well.

And I think it’s simply because, well, that’s how it HAPPENS. I was not a jock kid. I didn’t care about sports. But when I played Little League, I wanted so desperately, every second I was out there, to just DO SOMETHING RIGHT. I still remember very distinctly in third grade — my first non-T-ball year — and hitting a triple. I blooped it over the second basemen’s head — I could feel that I had somehow hit it really hard — and I ran around the bases in total panic and fear. And when I got to third, the coach slapped me on the back hard and sat “Great hit!” And here I am, 34 years old and I still vividly remember it. Possibly because I struck out for the next ten years.

So when I watched Timmy Lupus take a swing and blindly connect out of dumb luck — I’m thrilled, knowing that this is the kind of should-be-pointless thing you remember forever. I guess when else, when you’re a kid, do you have several dozen people watching ONLY YOU do something other than when you step to a baseball plate? No one watches you get a math problem right, or finish a drawing for art class. I guess spelling bees and piano recitals have a similar “This is your chance” feeling.

This film reminded me, oddly, of It’s A Wonderful Life. When I re-watch THAT movie, the scene that really gets me is Jimmy Stewart’s final angry rant at his family before he runs out and nearly attempts suicide. It’s much angrier than you remember — truly scary and dark. And it’s only because of that moment which makes the sugary ending work. And Thorton really lays into the kids toward the end of the movie — it’s similarly angry. You feel like the kids are seeing how mean the world is, and it sucks. And then it pays off perfectly.

My only complaint is that the kids aren’t given real beers at the end.

And so we have here one of the most unnecessary additions to the documented world, my revised list of the best baseball movies:
1) Bull Durham. Still the best, y’all.
2) Bad News Bears
3) A League of Their Own. It doesn’t seem like it should be this high. Yet, I would watch it again before any of the others below.
4) The Bad News Bears. Matthau!

And then a huge drop down and….

5) Major League. I know it’s retarded. It makes me laugh. And then
6) The Natural. Yeah, it’s sentimental crap. I like it.
7) The Rookie. I thought this movie was ridiculously formulaic. Until I noticed I was crying.
8) Eight Men Out. So smart! Or it seemed that way when I was awake.