Will Hines Dot Net

At this very moment I am eating a blueberry muffin while Chicago’s “25 or 6 to 4″ is running through my head. It is making the eating of the muffin seem very urgent.

My friend Kurt made this fake commericial. I find it quite hilarious.

EDIT: Technically, he’s not humping it. He’s just rubbing his butt on it.

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I am a C-list blogger, according to this Bloglebrity tool.

I’ll take it!

Yesterday I received a catalog titled “Mrs. Beasley’s featuring Miss Grace Lemon Cakes.” I cannot figure what product I ordered that got me on this mailing list. Too many Death Cab for Cutie CDs, I guess? Also, in my building the mailboxes are small and catalogs are placed on the steps which means any of my neighbors who cared to look assume I’m a foppish purchaser of baked goods.

The photo above shows you that on the cover is “Cookie the Snowman.”

This is the view from my Williamsburg apartment’s front window. Three condo complexes at once! Click it for a slightly bigger version. I can see two other ones out my back window.

I don’t necessarily mind, but it’s striking how quickly these things are sprouting.

I’ve started a new job, which means getting used to a new computer that has no useful software installed on it. Separately, I’ve been downloading TV shows to the ‘ol iPod, and also using my iMac to make DVDs for the Channel 102 screenings. What have I learned throughout this?

• You can play your video iPod through your TV.
• If you’re running out of hard drive space on your Mac, find out what’s taking up all the room with the free program What Size? BIG NOTE: Do NOT delete anything if you don’t know what it is. This program lists everything on your computer, including stuff that shouldn’t be deleted. Just delete the video, music and graphic files whose names you recognize.
• If you need to do simple image manipulation and don’t want to plunk down cash for Photoshop, use the horribly-named open source program GIMP (Windows, Mac OR Linux).
• If you need to do simple work with Microsoft Word/Excel/Powerpoint/Access documents but don’t want to plunk down cash for Microsoft Office, use OpenOffice.Org (Windows, Mac or Linux).
• On Windows, if you need to do secure FTP-ing (and if you don’t understand that sentence, then you don’t need to), you should use WinSCP.
• If you’re a programmer and you’re using a Mac (which you will like better than your PC, I promise), you should get TextMate.
• Finally, you should go to Channel 102 and watch Dr. Miracles.

Today, I called a City of New York automated phone line to hunt down a small tax refund I think should be coming my way from a few years back. At one point, the recorded voice just started spitting letters “Eee Enn Tee Eee Arr” — I had to break out a pencil and write them out. The voice was spelling “Enter your SS.” I assume that was supposed to be pronounced rather than spelled.

Or MAYBE I hacked into the City of New York’s central finance records and now I’ve started the dominoes falling in what will turn out to be a spellbinding tale of intrigue, con men and municipal corruption of the most nefarious kind!

Probably not. I entered my Social Security number and then bought myself fish for lunch.

I started a new job, working for an online TV show called The DL, hosted by my friend Sara Schaeffer. It’s an indie music show. As Brian suggested, my presence here means there is an increased likelihood for a DAILY segment on Letters to Cleo. My title is “associate producer” though I’m still figuring exactly what my duties are. Some combination of encoding videos, writing copy, shooting pieces and scheming ways to increase traffic. This is a big production: there’s like, a real TV studio here next to me office. Crazy.

Spent last evening at Chez Kevin Hines. Kevin and I, seeing as how we’re brothers, have known each other for some time. We watched episodes of The Office and fumed at how great that show is, and how good Steve Carell is. Yes, fumed. The Hines do not enjoy. We furiously envy. I think Kevin should be writing television shows. Universe, please deliver this circumstance, won’t you? I think I should be writing tv shows, too, but I want my shows to consist just of me talking about Philip K. Dick.

Problems in my apartment that I have caused:

• My refrigerator leaks water. I have never done anything about it. Now my hardwood kitchen floor has a warp in it the size of a speed bump.
• The cats fuss in the show and pad at the tiles. They have done this enough that they have successfully REMOVED four tiles from the floor. It’s annoying and gross. I have no idea how one fixes bathroom tiles.
• There is a four year old jar of almond butter in the cabinet.

Channel 102 is tonight, and at a new location: Tribeca Cinemas. 8pm — $5; come on down and check it out. Tonight’s lineup is one of the best we’ve had in a while – I’m very excited for it. A new episode of Mitch’s show Sexual Intercourse: American Style is up — and really all 10 shows are great.

In other news, I was given a $75 ticket on Sunday for walking between train cars. I had thought it was okay because the train was stopped (at the final stop on the L line at 8th Avenue). The policeman on duty informed me that it was NOT okay. He was very gracious about the whole deal, or as much as you can be when you’re telling someone they broke the law and are charging them $75. I actually like NYC cops, despite my liberal leanings in most areas, so I was not angry at this guy. But I would like to say: it’s a stupid rule to forbid you from crossing from car to car when THE TRAIN IS STOPPED!