Will Hines Dot Net

Went to Ohio this weekend for the Cameron family tradition of “Thanksmas” — when my mother’s side of the clan gets together in between the two major holidays for its yearly analysis on the proper way to play Pictionary. On the flight out I wore the knit skull cap that Eliza made for me for the entire ride because I was cold. It makes me look a bit thuggish at first glance. When I reached down to scratch my heel, I noticed a stewardess watching me. I wonder if she thought I was a shoe bomber? I just had an itchy foot, miss.

Flying back today, there was male Indian flight attendant who must have been over 50. He looked very out of place amongst the standard band of women and dandys. The short-sleeved white shirt with the captain’s stripes on his sleeve, or whatever they are, did not flatter him. He looked like he was beamed, Quantum Leap-style, from his normal job running an overpriced hardware store to the middle of my plane. I wish there was a way to look up the back story on human beings that you know you will never see again.

This guy was the one who had to demonstrate the safety instructions, like how to put on the oxygen masks and where the emergency exits were. He was clearly preoccupied with something else as he went through his routine and made a lot of very demonstrative faces — crunching up his nose for a while, then rolling his eyes, then stretching out his mouth — while the recorded message droned “Thank you for choosing American.” I would have filmed it with my camera phone but I’m sure it would have gotten me in trouble and also I don’t have a camera phone.

For the final leg, the plane swooped up from the southern end of Manhattan all the way across it before banking right to land at LaGuardia. You never know, when you’re flying back to NYC, if you’re going to get a good view of the city, but I got a perfect one today. Good job, New York! You looked great.