Will Hines Dot Net

I would like to borrow from one of you people these books: The Golden Compass and Love in the Time of Cholrea. Either that or I need to find a branch of the library near my house. The only library near my work, ironically, is the big famous Fifth Avenue library with the lions out front — which does not let you take out books!

I finished Flannery O’Connor’s short story collection A Good Man Is Hard to Find. It’s pretty damn good, if a bit ponderous. Coen Brothers movies remind me of her stories — everything is creepy and eccentric and slow. Also, they all start with quirky, funny character descriptions — but then somehow [...]

Today I am searching for clips on YouTube of American Idol judges making catty comments. I can’t use audition segments — has to be about the contestants. It’s harder than you’d expect. Not you would have before this moment made an estimation over how difficult that particular task would be.

Edited to add: Here’s what I got: http://news.aol.com/newsbloggers/2008/01/30/democratic-debate-idols/

Today is Dad’s proper birthday as opposed to any “Dad’s Birthday Observed.”

Happy birthday, Dad! In this picture, Kevin is explaining why the “He-Man Christmas Special” is a funny gift to get.

My Dad is:

• a fairly staunch Republican,
• a cartoonishly nonverbal conversationalist
• OCD about keeping his personal belongings square and lined up,
• a former negotiator of aerospace technology specializing in non-American clients
• a current aide to elementary school special ed teacher
• a native of Cleveland Ohio and die-hard Browns fan
• one of these guys who can fix everything
• an apologist for the show Two and A Half Men to his snobby children

I enjoyed today’s video on ucbcomedy.com greatly:

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“The Stupidest Man in The World”

A list of every reason that David Banner got angry and turned into the Hulk on The Incredible Hulk. Thank you, A.V. Club.

Got my credit card cleared up!

I ordered a new iMac on Saturday, only to discover that there has been a “fraud hold” on my credit card since around January 2. However, there’s been no fraud — it’s comes from my increasingly eccentric efforts to ignore any communication from corporations, including ones whose services I use.

I get a lot of junk mail from Citibank, my credit card provider, offering me programs that give me discounts on shopping at various stores, or rental cars, or credit reports — or other things I don’t want. I long since started throwing out anything from Citibank that wasn’t clearly a bill. Unfortunately, that also means I threw out a new credit card that was sent to me in December to [...]

Rob Lathan, Mitch Magee and myself did this video last weekend called “That Guy” — it’s a version of a piece we did for our old sketch group Game Face.

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It may look like a mere two-minute conversation on the surface, but I believe it showcases Rob’s genius for halting, not-quite-helpful descriptions. And we get a surprise appearance from Frank Cramp, one of the most beloved characters in all of American cinema.

One day after writing about fake compliments, I asked Mitch Magee to critique a video I had just finished. I had time to make one more pass so now was the time, I said. He offered some suggestions and it plunged me into a horrible mood for about half an hour. Clearly, I WANT fake compliments as opposed to honest comments.

We went to see No Country For Old Men to patch things up. Violent nihilism can heal, people! (I liked this movie much more, even with knowing what was coming).

I’ve been making videos at a rapid clip lately, and plan to keep up the pace — hoping to hit one on the screws. Because I’m grinding them out, they’re not all gems. But friends try to be supportive regardless. I can sorta tell when it’s genuine “Hey, that’s great!” or “Hey, you…. finished something!” I love both kinda of support, by the way.

But what do friends of bad movie directors say when the directors release their terrible movies? What did friends of the guy who directed One Missed Call say at the premier? “Cool you got to make a movie, dude!”

Also, I’m almost done with my latest Channel 102 submission: Connery and Danza.

I think it would be fun to set a profile picture on a dating site of oneself sobbing uncontrollably.