Will Hines Dot Net

House Porsche. Dialogue NSFW. Written by Sean Clements. Directed by me. Shot by Todd Bieber. Edited by Nate Dern. Starring John Gemberling. Graphics by Ed Mundy (titles) and Matt Meyer (highway signs). Voice over by speedyspots.com. Produced by Misha Sundukovskiy, who got us a Porsche!

As featured in the New York Times on Sunday. And was the number one pick on G4’s Attack of the Show on 9/23/2009.

I thought the car was the star but it ends up that the voiceover was the star. We tried several voiceovers for this. They were all good, but it always felt like something was missing. Then Bieber suggested speedyspots. I know this sounds like a commercial, but I guess I that’s what happens when you have a positive experience. I sent in the copy with minimal direction, got back the take you hear in this version within two hours! It’s the right over-the-top quality that I didn’t even know I had been looking for.

My deli (Hana Food) on Metropolitan Ave might be very funny. They like to rename their sandwiches constantly. Like this new Kanye West sandwich! They also name a lot of stuff after Shrek characters, which is fun and gets more fun the more out of date that is.

Mitch Magee and I recently made this promo for his series Sexual Intercourse: American Style which is now running on atom.com.

That was fun. You can see Mitch and I using are awesome improv skills that we honed in November 1999 when we were in Level 1 together.

Other random things:

• Check out this amazing life story in today’s New York Times of Norman Borlaug, a scientist who maybe avoided worldwide famine by developing high-yielding crops in the 60s and 70s! Go science!
• Top 10 most iconic Marvel Comics panels of all time at Comics Should Be Good. Fun. Lots of Spider-Man.
• I’ve seen this video of the adorable kid in the red shirt dancing a lot, and it is indeed adorable. But why is there a porn site’s URL emblazoned on the lower right hand corner?
• I’m writing a sketch a day for National Sketch Writing Month. The most fun to write for me was “One Stupid, One All Smarty Mean.”
• I went to buy cat food recently and every single flavor was “chicken and something.” That makes me think the world is running out of food. See item 1!

My favorite personal Beatles memory is hearing “I’ve Just A Seen A Face” for the first time, which happened in my friend Dave’s room in 1987 when the first batch of Beatles CDs came out. At that time, I was 16 years old and not really a Beatles fan. I had a copy of The White Album on cassette which I thought was cool, and I had tried to figure out what the big deal was with Sgt. Pepper’s and couldn’t. The Beatles were very squarely an “oldies” band in my mind and hopelessly out of date. Also, they were synonymous with “the 60s” and I was sick of the 60s.

When my friend Dave bought all of the Beatles on CD I told him that was ridiculous. Sitting there in his room, he told me to pick any one. I picked ‘Help!’ We sampled each track. First thing that surprised me was how may were already familiar — even the ones whose titles I did not recognize (like “The Night Before” and “You’re Going to Lose That Girl.”).

But it was “I’ve Just Seen A Face” that floored me.

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I was stunned at how pretty and simple and good it was. “This isn’t one of their big ones?” I asked. I borrowed the CD and listened to it that night and the next. “It’s Only Love” started to stick with me. I started to wonder — just how many great Beatles were buried on these old albums?

For the next few weeks I kept borrowing the early Beatles albums from Dave, repeatedly shocked at how many great songs were buried in between the titles that I already knew. “There’s A Place”, “Not A Second Time”, “No Reply”, “I’ve Don’t Want To Spoil The Party” — I knew this band was the biggest thing ever, but I had no idea they were actually good. Then I got the later albums. I drove around Danbury, CT at night in my family’s station wagon, with a cassette player in the front seat playing these songs. I can remember exactly where I was when “You Never Gave Me Your Money” came on for the first time — the corner of Old Ridgebury Road and Shadow Lake.

How many people over how many years have gone through their own discovery of these albums? It’s strange to have what feels like a personal connection with such an enormously famous and public entity like The Beatles, isn’t it? It’s like saying your favorite food is sandwiches, and you know how stupid that sounds, so you feel compelled to spend a long time explaining to everyone how you really do love sandwiches and you’re not just saying that — you REALLY GET why sandwiches are so great and simple and elegant.

Everyone likes the Beatles. But I appreciate people who have spent time in their life really falling heads over heels for them. When I was 19 my bedroom looked it was decorated by a 13 year old girl from 1964 — Beatles stuff everywhere. I drove to Strawberry Fields on John Lennon’s birthday at least twice. I bought shitty Paul McCartney singles like “Hope of Deliverance” just to pretend it was a new Beatles song. I bought a book of the logs from Abbey Road studio recording sessions. I saw “Backbeat” in the theaters. I once made a mix tape picking the best songs from John and Paul and George’s first solo albums and pretended it was the next Beatles album they would have made. I went to the Museum of Television and Radio and watched the episode of Nightline that ran the night John Lennon was shot. I knew a girl who told me she once baked cookies that spelled out John Lennon’s name and she would not let anyone else eat them, and I understand that.

I got my first CD player in 1990. These were the first CDs I purchased: Armed Forces by Elvis Costello, They Might Be Giants by They Might Be Giants, and Revolver by The Beatles. I made those choices carefully so I’d be proud to document them 19 years later, and I am.

I get Beatles Rock Band on Monday!

My favorite lesser-known Beatles songs (if there is such a thing) from each album:
Please Please Me – “There’s A Place”

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With The Beatles – “Not A Second Time”

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Hard Day’s Night – “I’ll Be Back”

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Beatles For Sale – “I Don’t Want To Spoil The Party”

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Help! – “I’ve Just Seen A Face”

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Rubber Soul – “I’m Looking Through You”

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Revolver – “And Your Bird Can Sing”

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Sgt. Peppers – “Good Morning Good Morning”

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Magical Mystery Tour – “Your Mother Should Know”

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Yellow Submarine – “Hey Bulldog”

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White Album – “Cry Baby Cry”

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Let It Be – “I’ve Got A Feeling”

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Abbey Road – “She Came In Through The Bathroom Window”

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Past Masters 1 – “I’ll Get You”

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Past Masters 2 – “Rain”

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This post written thanks to a generous request from DC Pierson.

Some improvisers and I will be creating THE END OF THE WORLD Friday night (tomorrow) at Under St. Marks Theater at 10:30pm. I ran a class this spring which developed this show, and we are doing a reunion of it, thanks to the graciousness of our hosts Thank You, Robot. TYR will do a set and then we do our 40 minute or so show.

We get a suggestion. We end the world. We back up and show how we got to that end. Then we show the world that rises up in its ashes. All off a single suggestion! Good heavens, right? Please come see.

UCBComedy.com editor Nate Dern released this funny sketch inspired by The Final Destination movie series: The The Final Destination. Check it out, won’t you?