Bermuda

by Will

First of all, it’s nobody’s fault but my own that Tabitha and I went to Bermuda at the worst possible time of year. Jet Blue had a one day sale on airline tickets in November and I thought to myself “Hey Will, you never take vacations — you need to just kinda make that happen.” That I still listen to my frontal lobe is evidence of my eventual destruction. Here’s things I honestly did not know about Bermuda until we landed at the airport:

  • It is not the Bahamas.
  • It is not that far south! It’s even with like North Carolina. NORTH Carolina!
  • It’s super-British! Everyone drives on the left and there’s pictures of the Queen like nobody’s business.
  • Meals are hilariously expensive. I sounded like all my friends do when they come to New York. “Seven dollars for an egg and cheese sandwich?” I said out loud in the exact timber of my grandfather’s voice. “That’s outrageous.”
  • There are about 4 months where it’s too cold to go in the water, and January is one of them, and going to Bermuda when you can’t go to the beach is like going to Disneyworld for the maps.

HOWEVER Bermuda really is cartoonishly beautiful. The water is bright blue, and the roads are quaint and made of real things like stones and bricks as opposed to whatever plastic cylon material the rest of the world uses. You ride ferries everywhere like that’s normal. Everyone is really polite and says hello all the time like they’re getting paid for it. The accent is extremely particular — some vowels sound British, some southern and a few Jamaican. Very fun.

So we hoofed around beautiful street and read about the island’s history. We ate lobster and fish and hiked around an old British dockyard and saw some remarkably laid back people blow glass and aggressively sell us rum cakes. We saw the cultural commission presentation of Gombay dancers. On a walking tour of the oldest town a cat followed us around, which we took as a good omen. Then a man mowing the lawn of the oldest house in the Western Hemisphere or something stopped to tell us that we had come there at the worst possible time and that we were dumb, but he said it in a friendly way.

Our hotel was beautiful, and right on the (cold) water, and with wi-fi. We saw a small drawbridge and drank a deathly amount of coffee and tea. We had paid very little for our flights and hotel so even though it was a burger and beer cost $25 minimum, we ended all right.

Still, we were both so excited to land in NYC you’d think we’d been trapped in the Arctic!

Cagematch in 3 hours. Come see!