Will Hines Dot Net

Get Psyched is going to be a book, almost definitely in time for Christmas. GET PSYCHED!

Frequently Asked Questions About This Post:

Q: Really? A Book?
A: Yep, Rob and I wrote a book. It’s written and almost done being laid out.

Q: But not really. This is a bit?
A: Nope, we really wrote a book. 110 pages on how to properly Get Psyched.

Q: Wow! Who’s publishing it?
A: We are.

Q: Oh.
A: Yeah, well what’s wrong with that? It looks great, it’s hilarious and it will instantly solve all of your problems immediately.

Q: What if a real publisher gets wind of this, sees some sample chapters and wants to [...]

I don’t remember seeing this since I’ve started improvising. Hamlet’s advice to actors. Here’s his comments for comedians (I believe saying to avoid laughing at yourself on stage):

And let those that play your clowns speak no more than is set down for them, for there be of them that will themselves laugh, to set on some quantity of barren spectators to laugh too, though in the meantime some necessary question of the play be then to be considered. That’s villainous, and shows a most pitiful ambition in the fool that uses it.

VILLANOUS! Also, the opening comments speak against over-acting, methinks:

It offends me to the soul to hear a robustious periwig-pated fellow tear a passion to tatters, to very rags, [...]

CONS: It makes you look like a pretentious douche. Or maybe like a tiny-dicked angry person reading Nietzche prominently like Kevin Kline’s character in A Fish Called Wanda. It’s heavy. It’s dense and rambly with lots of big words hanging off of run-on sentences and therefore takes mental energy.

PROS: It’s more fun than you’d think. There’s more funny parts than I remember. The dramatic parts are very cool. Melville seems crazy but he seems to know it. You feel like a smart person. You feel like an American.

If nothing else, you should read the first paragraph if you’re a New Yorker. Ishmael is explaining why he feels the need to go to sea, and the way he describes himself [...]

What are the most American books? I was catching up on Mad Men episodes, and got to the point where one of the British managers of Don Draper’s ad firm says “I have been reading some of your American literature” and I knew that it’d be Mark Twain because whenever someone says they are reading American literature it’s Mark Twain. I remember an Atlantic Monthly profile on Saddam Hussein years and years ago which said “He even reads American literature — the complete Mark Twain sits on his bookshelf” (the profile was not complimentary, despite what that sentence implies).

Separate from that, on the documentary shoot we were watching an episode of Jeopardy while waiting for some lights to be [...]

Observation: Sherlock Holmes, Superman and Dracula are all immensely popular characters whose stories are known across many countries, nations and cultures.

Second Observation: They all wear capes.

Hypothesis: Wearing a cape makes a fictional character exponentially more popular.

Experiment to Test: Write a story in which all characters are described as wearing capes. Publish. Measure worldwide fame after two weeks.

Here is my story:

Roderick and Helen

The train rumbled over the border of Pennsylvania into Ohio. Lake Erie was emerging into view at the northern horizon. In a sparsely appointed third class compartment, Roderick leaned over to Helen.

“I need to know where the body is.”

“He’s dead. Forget him.” She was fussing with her bracelet, whose clasp was annoyingly loose.

“While there’s a body, there’s evidence and [...]

Comedian Bob Powers hosted Topsham Pantsuit and read from his funny book The Terrible, Horrible, Temp-to-Perm Debacle: Book Two in the Just Make a Choice! Series.

It’s an updated Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book, but instead of time machines or secret agents this one is about a 33 year old aspiring writer/alcoholic who is trying to avoid becoming a permanent employee at his company. I liked it.

And it made me think of books! Funny books! What are great funny books? The best in my opinion is Woody Allen’s Without Feathers.

Published in 1975, it’s a collection of short humor pieces Allen had [...]

The “I Can Read Movie Series” is a series of covers for movie novelizations that were never done, in the style of used paperback books you’d find. It’s probably aping a particular line of books, but whatever — they are COOL. Here’s the one for War Games, the best movie ever which you are not allowed to criticize as my brother Brian learned on some Hines Bro driving trip somewhere:

See them all! The Hudsucker Proxy and Blade Runner are also great.

Watched, recently: Touch of Evil, Swing Vote, A Scanner Darkly, Amadeus, Fitzcarraldo, BSG, some 30 Rock, some SNL, an episode of Gossip Girl.

Read (books): more of Demonology by Ricky Moody;

Read (comics): Comics: Acme Novelty 16, 17, 18, 19 by Chris Ware; Hey Wait by Jason; old John Byrne FF stuff; Walking Dead.

I want a Kindle just to look at one but I do not read enough to justify it in any way.

Listened to: Vampire Weekend, The Blow, Yo La Tengo and a live Freedy Johnston album recently. And that song “American Boy” by Estelle and Kanye West a bunch.

I gave notice at AOL. Mo’s contract ended and 2+ years felt like enough. I’m going to be an assistant [...]

I’m interested in hiring someone to help me design a book in InDesign. I’ll have the text and some illustrations. I need someone basically to help me format a few chapters, then I’ll finish it up, then I’ll need help again at the end.

It’s a self-help book with many footnotes, testimonials, illustrations and photos. Doing any one chapter probably tackles the problems that come up in any of them.

Not counting the cover — this is just the meat of the book.

It’ll be fun and, as a former web site designer, I will work to make requests as simple as possible once I learn what’s simple/time-consuming for you to do.

My email is “whines” and then an at sign, right? And [...]

I had to dig through some archives at AOL today and stumbled on this clip of Amy Winehouse singing “Valerie” at AOL. It is, technically speaking, Amy Winehouse’ U.S. debut — last January 2007. She was performing a concert somewhere in NYC and stopped at AOL for an interview and to record some songs. I was told “Someone named Amy Winehouse is recording some tracks here; we might as well videotape it. Grab a camera, set it to auto-everything and get it.” I was also told “She’s supposed to be a handful so get ready.”

But in the audio engineer’s office, she walked in and was [...]