Will Hines Dot Net

Lanny’s Ex-Wife Cheryl. Rob and I got our old UCBT compadres to be in our show at the LA theatre. Jessica St. Clair played Lanny’s ex-wife Cheryl. Jessica took classes at the same time as Rob and I. I love that she almost breaks here after saying “lasers.” The whole Get Psyched LA show is broken into chapters on YouTube. See St. Clair, Jackie Clarke, Nate Shelkey, Sean Clements, Paul Scheer and Ed Helms. And me. And Rob Lathan.

Buy our book from me in person for TEN BUCKS! Or online for 12 (includes shipping cost) at http://www.getpsyched.biz.

Do you guys remember how Rob Lathan and I wrote a book called Get Psyched!? Weird, right? Well we did and we have TWO readings for it this week — one Thursday and one Saturday!

1) Thursday Feb. 18 at 7:30pm at Greenlight Bookstore in Fort Greene, Brooklyn! 686 Fulton Street! With Edith Zimmerman and Elan Baker. We will be there as part of the monthly literary humor show STEAMBOAT hosted by the Bob Powers who is as wry as shit!

2) Saturday 8pm at The Creek! Get Psyched Live! Rob and I and a bunch of other hilarious people read from the book!

Come buy our book! TEN BUCKS if you buy it right out of my hands! Or get it for $12 from getpsyched.biz!

Don’t take my word for it! Here’s Dr. Lanny Latham reading from the book right now!

First of all, it’s nobody’s fault but my own that Tabitha and I went to Bermuda at the worst possible time of year. Jet Blue had a one day sale on airline tickets in November and I thought to myself “Hey Will, you never take vacations — you need to just kinda make that happen.” That I still listen to my frontal lobe is evidence of my eventual destruction. Here’s things I honestly did not know about Bermuda until we landed at the airport:

• It is not the Bahamas.
• It is not that far south! It’s even with like North Carolina. NORTH Carolina!
• It’s super-British! Everyone drives on the left and there’s pictures of the Queen like nobody’s business.
• Meals are hilariously expensive. I sounded like all my friends do when they come to New York. “Seven dollars for an egg and cheese sandwich?” I said out loud in the exact timber of my grandfather’s voice. “That’s outrageous.”
• There are about 4 months where it’s too cold to go in the water, and January is one of them, and going to Bermuda when you can’t go to the beach is like going to Disneyworld for the maps.

HOWEVER Bermuda really is cartoonishly beautiful. The water is bright blue, and the roads are quaint and made of real things like stones and bricks as opposed to whatever plastic cylon material the rest of the world uses. You ride ferries everywhere like that’s normal. Everyone is really polite and says hello all the time like they’re getting paid for it. The accent is extremely particular — some vowels sound British, some southern and a few Jamaican. Very fun.

So we hoofed around beautiful street and read about the island’s history. We ate lobster and fish and hiked around an old British dockyard and saw some remarkably laid back people blow glass and aggressively sell us rum cakes. We saw the cultural commission presentation of Gombay dancers. On a walking tour of the oldest town a cat followed us around, which we took as a good omen. Then a man mowing the lawn of the oldest house in the Western Hemisphere or something stopped to tell us that we had come there at the worst possible time and that we were dumb, but he said it in a friendly way.

Our hotel was beautiful, and right on the (cold) water, and with wi-fi. We saw a small drawbridge and drank a deathly amount of coffee and tea. We had paid very little for our flights and hotel so even though it was a burger and beer cost $25 minimum, we ended all right.

Still, we were both so excited to land in NYC you’d think we’d been trapped in the Arctic!

Cagematch in 3 hours. Come see!

So what is this book about anyway? Hey, why don’t you hear a short excerpt? Here’s Lanny reading from Step 7: Get Psyched.

Look at that: it’s a real book!

Answer any or all:

• I want a better profile pic for my twitter. What should I do?
• In the book version of Let The Right One In, the vampire Eli describes once meeting an older vampire and asking why there weren’t more of them? The older vampire answers, and then points at Eli’s chest and coyly suggests something I do not understand. Explain that.
• Is it harder and harder to feel like one knows the current music scene, or is it just something all aging hipsters like myself feel?
• Is it okay if I describe myself as an aging hipster?
• I have eight unspoken for ISBNs and I’m going to use them to publish books by me and my friends. No question here, but if you have suggestions for books I’d like to hear.
• Could it be that the reason the dBs never got any bigger was the lead vocals were never really that powerful, despite the great song writing and arranging?
• You know that very sweet video some teenager made which is just footage of a girl sheepishly walking around a 7-11? And you know how lots of people crapped their pants over it? Am I a dick for thinking that that video is good MOSTLY because it had the good sense to put a good song underneath the footage and that we SHOULD be complimenting the music?
• Anyone know a simpler way to record a podcast than how I’m doing it? I do this: shotgun mikes into a mixer through RCA cables into the “line in” input of a Mac Book Pro into Garage Band. Export as .aiff, edit with Final Cut Pro, export as .aif and use iTunes to change to an mp3. Phew!
• How does Ricky J do anything that he does? Especially the History of Cup and Balls?
• Will we all live to see America be as wonderful as it could be? Or at least to experience hoverboards? How about food pills? Food pills! Food pills!
• Will someone ever dig up a piece of paper that resolves once and for all: who Shakespeare was addressing his sonnets to, what happened to Amelia Earheart, or what Kurt Cobain’s next album would have sounded like?
• What is the scariest short story I could read?
• Will I ever successfully do a Scottish accent on stage? What if I do not wish to put any work or concentration into this task?
• Will I ever live in another city?
• I know I’d prefer invisibility to flying, but how about phasing vs. turning to steel? Emotionally they are similar.
• Will I see Marvel Comics make an original roster of superheros that eclipses the Kirby pantheon? Not that I have anything against the Kirby pantheon, but forty years is a long time to base a company on re-runs.
• Farting, body odor or nose hairs? Which is worse and why?
• That’s it!

If you’re not reading Roger Ebert’s blog, you are missing out. Latest entry is on the joys of making out, especially in the context of the sexually repressed college campuses of 1960. Unguarded, honest, plainly stated — it’s a jewel, I say! A jewel!

His previous entry Nil By Mouth — in which he answers the question of whether he misses eating and drinking since jaw surgery took those things away — is heartbreaking and hopeful. Hooray Roger Ebert!

I had reserved a compact but the clerk gave me a convertible Mustang for the same price. I think this happens to many people when they come to L.A. but I’m still gonna pretend that I am Fate’s favorite person. I look ridiculous in this car.

Tell us to take a sarcastic picture and it comes out better then our “real” pictures.

I was going to write “a new checking account” in the title but I feel like that will attract spam commenters.

Anyway, I have Citibank, which used to require not that much minimum balance in order to forgo monthly fees. Post-economic collapse and they require a $6000 combined balance to forgo monthly fees. Too much monthly fee! So I’m going to switch banks. If you love your bank please tell me. Online bill payment a must.

Man, I am seriously inviting spam. It’d be worse if I was asking for a dick enlarging mortgage rate online pharmacy. And now I will be banned by my own spam filter software.

On Thursday as part of the annual 3on3 improv competition at UCBT, myself, Kevin Hines and Erik Tanouye will take the stage. Any suggestions of what scenes we should do? The name of our group is “These Guys Look Like They Read.”