DON'T WATCH TV

NARRATION

If you don't watch television, the world sounds like this...

POV shot of a man walking through his office. He comes upon two women talking to each other.

WOMAN 1

Can you believe the Abner is the one holding the chair?

WOMAN 2

Actually, I can! I didn't think he would two weeks ago, but last week after Emily dropped all the brooms I said to myself "Abner is totally gonna hold the chair."

WOMAN 1

I did NOT see it coming. I did predict that Susan would steal back her microscope box.

WOMAN 2

That's good.

POV shot as man walks away from them into the cafeteria. A GUY and GIRL are talking.

GUY

No, it CAN'T all be a dream because the ambassador had the same number on his face!

GIRL

I thought that was just from his time in the factory.

GUY

No, the factory is why he got the third hand.

GIRL

Oh, right! What about the bloomberdun?

GUY

The bloomberdun belongs to their father. That's done. The bloomberdun is DONE.

POV shot as the man walks away and up to two dudes lounging on a couch.

DUDE 1

Did you see that new VH-1 show "The Herbies?"

DUDE 2

Yeah, did that guy really fuck that boar?

DUDE 1

I think he did!

DUDE 2

Like, a live boar?

DUDE 1

I know! But I don't think it looked fake! The snout was wobbling like a...real snout! I mean, it looked real!

DUDE 2

Yeah. So, does he win?

DUDE 1

There's no winners now, they just do it.

POV shot as man walks to a group of three people -- two sitting at desks, one leaning on cubicle wall next to them.

DESK GIRL

Ok, so -- let's hear it -- who thinks "The Sluts" have jumped the shark?

STANDING GUY

I do. Definitely!

DESK GIRL 2

I don't know; they're winning me back. I love when Leslie totally gives it to Shannon.

STANDING GUY

Yes, that was good, but what's up with Eric?

DESK GIRL

I know! Are we supposed to believe he's really a carpenter?

DESK GIRL 2

Yeah, that's stupid but I love the whole part with the race riot.

POV as guy moves to two guys with ties standing at a coffee machine.

TIE GUY 1

Do you watch "The Buildings?"

TIE GUY 2

I do.

TIE GUY 1

Is it good?

TIE GUY 2

It's pretty good. I liked it better before.

TIE GUY 1

Too many buildings now?

TIE GUY 2

There are! There's too many buildings. I liked it better in season one when there were fewer buildings.

They turn to face the man.

TIE GUY 1

Do you watch it? "The Buildings"

NARRATOR

(from behind camera)

No, I had to cancel cable to save money.

TIE GUY 2

You should watch it. It's good.

TIE GUY 1

You can get it on iTunes. Or I think it's on Hulu.

TIE GUY 2

The British version was better, but this one is still pretty good.

TIE GUY 1

You should watch it. "The Buildings"

TIE GUY 2

Yeah.

NARRATOR

Okay.

POV of man walking away and to a shelf where a TV sits. He turns it on. On the screen are two people rubbing their noses together and saying the alphabet fast.