AGGRESSIVE BAGEL CART GUY

A BAGEL CART GUY is in a bagel cart. A MAN passes.

BAGEL CART GUY

Hey, asshole! Buy a bagel from me.

MAN

I beg your pardon?

BAGEL CART GUY

Buy a goddamned bagel from me. What, you don't like puffed bread?

MAN

I don't like being called an asshole.

BAGEL CART GUY

That's not an answer. You want a bagel or what?

MAN

I do not.

BAGEL CART GUY

Come on!

MAN

No! I don't appreciate the way you are treating me!

BAGEL CART GUY

What, you scared?

MAN

Scared? Of what?

BAGEL CART GUY

Bagels.

MAN

And why would I be scared of bagels?

BAGEL CART GUY

I don't know. Maybe you got issues.

MAN

I most certainly do not.

BAGEL CART GUY

Jesus Crow! You could have bought like five bagels by now!

MAN

Sir! I am not hungry, and even if I were I would not appreciate being browbeaten like this.

BAGEL CART GUY

Ah hah!

MAN

Why are you laughing?

BAGEL CART GUY

You said "browbeaten."

MAN

And what do you think "browbeaten" means?

BAGEL CART GUY

Self-hating homosexual.

MAN

It does not mean that.

BAGEL CART GUY

You sure?

MAN

Very.

BAGEL CART GUY

Hmm. I got some apologies to make to other people.

MAN

Look, is it all right if I go now?

BAGEL CART GUY

Well, is it all right if I sell several bagels to you?

MAN

How many?

BAGEL CART GUY

From four to seven.

MAN

How about three?

BAGEL CART GUY

Three is good.

BAGEL CART GUY hands MAN a large loaf of French bread.

BAGEL CART GUY

One more question, what does "crony" mean?

MAN

It means "friend."

BAGEL CART GUY

Whoops. I've been pronouncing it "asshole."

MAN

Well, that certainly explains the first thing you said to me.

BAGEL CART GUY

Good bye crony!

MAN

Good bye, asshole!