ONE STUPID ONE ALL SMARTY MEAN

A WOMAN is walking out of a GAP, a MAN approaches from the opposite direction.

MAN

Want to feel my pecs? They're all toned.

WOMAN spins on her heels to face the man and speaks while a mere two inches from his doughy face.

WOMAN

Listen to me carefully: That was obnoxious and creepy and self-obsessed.

MAN

I feel ya, I feel ya. But I'm just so full of LIFE, you know?

WOMAN

I do not know that. What I do know is that you could say nothing but perfect things to me for weeks and I'd still think badly of you just because of our last two exchanges.

MAN

We don't know each other right?

WOMAN

That is exactly right.

MAN

So I creeped you out. I heard.

WOMAN

You "heard." That's how you expressed acknowledgment? You just throw the word "heard" in your sentence like it's a crouton being tossed in Greek salad?

MAN

I guess.

WOMAN

I doubt you guess. It would require information and intellectual curiousity. I would characterize your speech as verbal reflex, with no more thought behind it than simple breathing.

MAN

Probably.

WOMAN

I find it hard to believe you're even listening to me.

MAN

Let me ask you, if we were friends, would you totally feel my pecs?

WOMAN

There is no way. I have dear friends for whom I'd step in front of trains, but if they asked me to feel their pecs I assure you I would decline.

MAN

I heard.

WOMAN

You HEAR. What is this "I heard?" You sound like a robot that's gotten damp.

MAN

How many pull ups do you think I did before? Guess.

WOMAN

I'd sooner fold my forehead skin to the back of my neck.

MAN

It's over 30.

WOMAN

32.

MAN

Damn, that's right. Sick, right? I was shaky for the last few but I pulled that shit off. Up top.

WOMAN

Put your hand down. I'm leaving.

MAN

Where you going, sweetie feet?

WOMAN

Sweetie feet?

MAN

Yeah!

WOMAN

Why would you call me such a term?

MAN

I don't know, girl. I like that nickname. I read that shit in a Snoopy comic.

WOMAN

I have to leave now. I'd like you to find an open manhole and walk into it.

MAN

I'm not a homosexual.

WOMAN

You're overthinking my insult.

MAN

I heard.

We see the following happenas the voiceover describes it.

VOICEOVER

The woman walked off and returned to her job as layout designer for a hip struggling literary magazine where she is content but not satisfied. The man extended his arms up and flies into the sky where he turns into a medium aged star.