FDR FILLS TIME

WILL HINES - 917 721 1138 / whines@gmail.com

TITLE CARD: THE HISTORY CHANNEL "RAW FOOTAGE"

VOICEOVER

Tonight, the History Channel shows uncut footage of great events in history. Tonight, FDR's inauguration speech from 1933.

FDR is at a podium in 1933, finishing his first inaugural address.

FDR

As as we struggle to overcome this terrible economic depression, let me assert once again my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

Tremendous applause. FDR waves to the crowd and starts to step away. A PRODUCER steps to the side of the podium, making a "stretching" symbol.

FDR

(shielding microphone)

But that's the end of my speech.

PRODUCER

Just a few more minutes. The Texaco Hour Orchestra is next, and the clarinet section is not ready.

FDR

(to crowd)

So let me say again, of all the things that we COULD fear as we fight this economic depression, the only one we really have to fear is fear itself. Fear itself is the only thing we really must fear.

Less applause than last time but still strong. The PRODUCER is still giving a "stretching" sign.

FDR

Ok, so, it's like this -- when I say "fear" -- what do you think of? If it's not "fear itself" then you're wasting your time. Onlythingwehavetofearisfearitself.

Much quieter applause. A voice goes "what?"

FDR

(to producer)

I don't have anything else to say!

PRODUCER

We can't cut to dead air; you don't want to be associated with a huge technical failure!

FDR

(to crowd)

How about a hand for outgoing president Herbert Hoover? He gave it a shot, right? He was an engineer you know.

FDR claps. No one joins. He considers.

FDR

So, uh, who likes swing music?

A pause, then some people clap.

FDR

C'mon, I know you guys like swing music! Except how many times can we hear "In The Mood?" Yeah, *I* was in the mood too, until I heard his song for the millionth time.

A few laughs.

FDR

There we go! This guy knows what I mean. Anyway, fear itself right? That's all we have to worry about, who's with me? That and unemployment!

People are laughing a bit.

I'm kidding! I'm kidding! Just fear itself. Get a load of this guy in the front row. I'm not going to say he's fat, but if I could get him to sit in the Colorado River, I wouldn't need to finish building the Hoover Dam!

Solid laughs.

Hey what was up with prohibition, am I right? That was so stupid! It's like the stupidest amendment ever, and one of them allowed slavery!

A few happily excited gasps and laughs.

FDR

C'mon, what -- we can't joke about slavery? You guys are so serious! I feel like I'm telling Eleanor to wake up because I'm getting feeling back in my legs!

Big laughs.

FDR

What else, what else. Hey, you guys know that we're all going to be in a World War soon, right? I'm working out a deal to let them attack Hawaii so I can convince everyone to join in.

Big shocked reaction. Same guy shouts "What?"

FDR

Oh yeah. The Japs are crazier than the Nazis. Trust me, you guys are gonna want to get in on that action. It'll be a bigger thrill than if Dorothy Lamour lost her sarong!

Crows is getting upset. Someone shouts "war?"

FDR

Hey don't get upset. Okay, you want a distraction? Here's something cool --  photographs of a creature from outer space that crash landed in New Mexico...

FDR starts to go through his jacket pockets. PRODUCER gives a thumbs up / "wrap it up" signals.

FDR

Whoops, that's it for me, folks! I'm gonna turn it over to the TEXACO ORCHESTRA!

Big applause.

FDR

Now that's a speech people will remember!

FREEZE FRAME on FDR.

VOICEOVER

FDR was president for the next fifty years.

TITLE SCREEN: The History Channel's "RAW FOOTAGE."