FDR FILLS TIME

FDR is at a podium in 1933, giving his first inaugural address to a teeming crowd in Washington, D.C.

FDR

As as we struggle to overcome this terrible economic depression, let me assert once again my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

Tremendous applause. FDR waves to the crowd and starts to step away. A PRODUCER steps to the side of the podium, making a "stretching" symbol.

FDR

(shielding microphone)

But that was the end of my speech.

PRODUCER

Just a few more minutes. Next on the program is the Texaco Hour Orchestra and I'm getting word that they're not set up. The clarinets aren't ready.

FDR

(to crowd)

So let me say again, of all the things that we COULD fear as we fight this economic depression, the only one we really have to fear is fear itself. Fear itself is the only thing we really must fear.

Less applause than last time but still strong. More "stretching" signs.

FDR

Ok, so, it's like this -- when I say "fear" -- what do you think of? If it's not "fear itself" then you're wasting your time. Onlythingwehavetofearisfearitself.

Much quieter applause. A voice goes "what?"

FDR

(to producer)

Can't I just stop?

PRODUCER

C'mon, man -- have you ever set up a clarinet? You've got to really tighten the two parts together or the reed squeaks like crazy. And we can't cut to dead air, you don't want to be associated with a huge technical failure!

FDR

(to producer)

Fine, fine. (to crowd). How about a hand for Herbert Hoover? He gave it a shot, right? He was an engineer you know.

FDR claps. No one joins. He considers.

FDR

So, uh, who likes swing music?

A pause, then some people clap.

FDR

You? Swing fans back there? Yeah, I think it's great! Except this Glenn Miller character.

A few quiet laughs of recognition.

FDR

How many times can we hear "In The Mood?" Yeah, *I* was in the mood too, until I heard his song for the millionth time.

A few more laughs.

FDR

There we go! So, anyone here from New York State? You guys? My kinda people. How about Massachusetts? Boooo, right? Go Yankees! Hah. This guy knows what I mean. Anyway, fear itself right? That's all we have to worry about, who's with me? That and unemployment!

People are laughing a bit.

I'm kidding! I'm kidding! Just fear itself. Get a load of this guy in the front row. I'm not going to say he's fat, but if I could get him to sit in the Colorado River, I wouldn't need to finish building the Hoover Dam!

Solid laughs.

Jokes, joke. The Hoover Dam is still very important. Almost important as only fearing fear itself. Hey what was up with prohibition, right? That was stupid, wasn't it? It's like the stupidest amendment ever, and one of them allowed slavery!

A few happily excited gasps and laughs.

FDR

C'mon, what -- we can't joke about slavery? You guys are so serious! I feel like I'm telling Eleanor to wake up because I'm getting feeling back in my legs!

Big laughs.

FDR

That's a joke. I can't walk. Okay, that's it for me, folks! I'm gonna turn it over to the TEXACO ORCHESTRA!

Big applause.

PRODUCER

We cut away ten minutes ago.

FDR

Well this was almost a memorable speech.