CREATURE TEST
Three SCIENTISTS stand in an antarctic research station. They
are all wearing gloves.
SCIENTIST 1
We know that one of is really the creature posing as a human.
SCIENTIST 2
Damned disgusting thing. It's killed everyone else on the
base.
SCIENTIST 1
So I've devised a test to determine which of us it is.
SCIENTIST 1 holds up a vial of a potion.
SCIENTIST 3
I'm just going to confess. It's me. I'm the creature. I'm
tired of hiding. I've been posing as this human's body for about ten hours now.
SCIENTIST 3 takes his glove off his right hand -- it's a
lizard claw.
SCIENTIST 2
Dear God! That means Johnny's dead!
SCIENTIST 1
Ok, that's a big clue. Now let me explain how my test can
confirm what you're saying.
SCIENTIST 2
We don't need your test. He confessed. He's got a lizard claw.
SCIENTIST 1
It definitely casts suspicion on him. Suspicion that will be
cleared up only by my test.
SCIENTIST 3
No, it's me. Look, here's the head of the REAL Johnny. (pulls
a head from behind a table or out of a bag). I killed him. I'm the creature.
SCIENTIST 2
Oh my God, you really are him.
SCIENTIST 1
That's something I'm pretty eager to confirm.. which I can
soon do.
SCIENTIST 2
Look, SIR, forget your test! Get some rope or a gun -- we have to contain this creature!
SCIENTIST 3
I'm not going to fight. Look, I surrender.
He removes the glove from his left hand. They are both lizard
claws.
SCIENTIST 1
Look, let me just explain how my test works. It's really
cool. I worked hard on it.
SCIENTIST 2
It doesn't matter!
SCIENTIST 1
I examined some of its flesh after it killed Ramirez. It has
some equivalent of blood, but that blood is much more conductive of electricity
than ours, so...
SCIENTIST 2
Who gives a shit? He has two claws! He's shown us a head!
SCIENTIST 3
That test sounds like it would work. Here, let me put some of
my blood in your vial.
He pinches a finger over the vial. The VIAL turns blue.
SCIENTIST 3
Yep, that's a good test. I'm the creature.
SCIENTIST 1
Now let me explain why the vial is turning blue.
SCIENTIST 2
No! I'm going to see if I can find the machine gun.
SCIENTIST 3
I ate it.
SCIENTIST 1
The cool thing is I'm not even a biologist. I just used the
scientific method to determine a way of revealing a fact about the creature...
SCIENTIST 2
STOP TALKING! We've FOUND the CREATURE!
SCIENTIST 3
If I was still hiding, why would I agree to such a test.
SCIENTIST 1
I didn't expect you to. Once someone refused to take the test
I'd shoot them with this (reveals hyperdermic needle) -- a potion I created
that should render the creature unconscious.
SCIENTIST 3
Interesting!
SCIENTIST 2
Oh my God! Use it! Subdue the creature!
SCIENTIST 1
Let me explain how it works!
THAT'S IT.