GENIE DISCUSSES HIS JOB

A MAN in a desert holding an antique lamp. A GENIE.

GENIE

So I will grant you three wishes!

MAN

I wish for vast wealth.

GENIE

Done!

MAN

I wish for eternal youth until such time as I wish to die.

GENIE

Done!

MAN

And I wish for true love for all my days.

GENIE

Done! All of these things are now true.

MAN

Okay. So what's the catch?

GENIE

No catch! Those were good wishes, I'm not looking to be a dick, so we're done. I'm going to go back in my bottle until some other sap finds this lamp.

MAN

How long will that be?

GENIE

A few centuries I guess. Hard to say.

MAN

It's kind of a shitty gig, isn't it?

GENIE

I guess so. Hadn't thought about it really. I'm more of a company man! Hang out in the lamp, grant wishes, back to the lamp. It's just what I'm used to.

MAN

With the power you have, you should be able to wrangle a better set up for yourself.

GENIE

Yeah, probably, probably. I don't know -- there's some comfort in routine, you know? The hassle of wanting more, potential heartbreak.

MAN

You have the power of magic! Just wish yourself into some awesome life.

GENIE

Like what, be in a band?

MAN

Yeah, if that's what you want. Be in a band.

GENIE

Nah. It'd be annoying. Anything I think of I KNOW would get old.

MAN

Look, if I had a wish left I'd get you out of there. Break your curse so you're not bound.

GENIE

I'm not cursed. I can leave any time. I choose to live in the lamp.

MAN

Is there a secret lair of fortune and women inside there?

GENIE

No, no. Regular lamp. I just shrink down and hang out.

MAN

Any books?

GENIE

I've got Clan of the Cave Bear, but I can't get into it.

MAN

You have a fear of success.

GENIE

Oh that's bullshit. I just appreciate security.

MAN

Nope. You're institutionalized. You're f'd up.

GENIE

That's rude, man! What do you think you're Sigmund Fucking Freud now just because you lucked into finding a lamp with a genie inside?

MAN

Actually I didn't luck into it. I knew it was here because an old man in London told me about it.

GENIE

Thin guy, weird mole on his right cheek?

MAN

Yeah.

GENIE

I remember him. Interesting guy!

MAN

He said you were a real pussy.

GENIE

Hmmm. Eh. He's right.

BLACKOUT!