GENIE DISCUSSES HIS JOB
A MAN in a desert holding an antique lamp. A GENIE.
GENIE
So I will grant you three wishes!
MAN
I wish for vast wealth.
GENIE
Done!
MAN
I wish for eternal youth until such time as I wish to die.
GENIE
Done!
MAN
And I wish for true love for all my days.
GENIE
Done! All of these things are now true.
MAN
Okay. So what's the catch?
GENIE
No catch! Those were good wishes, I'm not looking to be a
dick, so we're done. I'm going to go back in my bottle until some other sap
finds this lamp.
MAN
How long will that be?
GENIE
A few centuries I guess. Hard to say.
MAN
It's kind of a shitty gig, isn't it?
GENIE
I guess so. Hadn't thought about it really. I'm more of a
company man! Hang out in the lamp, grant wishes, back to the lamp. It's just
what I'm used to.
MAN
With the power you have, you should be able to wrangle a
better set up for yourself.
GENIE
Yeah, probably, probably. I don't know -- there's some
comfort in routine, you know? The hassle of wanting more, potential heartbreak.
MAN
You have the power of magic! Just wish yourself into some
awesome life.
GENIE
Like what, be in a band?
MAN
Yeah, if that's what you want. Be in a band.
GENIE
Nah. It'd be annoying. Anything I think of I KNOW would get
old.
MAN
Look, if I had a wish left I'd get you out of there. Break
your curse so you're not bound.
GENIE
I'm not cursed. I can leave any time. I choose to live in the
lamp.
MAN
Is there a secret lair of fortune and women inside there?
GENIE
No, no. Regular lamp. I just shrink down and hang out.
MAN
Any books?
GENIE
I've got Clan of the Cave Bear, but I can't get into it.
MAN
You have a fear of success.
GENIE
Oh that's bullshit. I just appreciate security.
MAN
Nope. You're institutionalized. You're f'd up.
GENIE
That's rude, man! What do you think you're Sigmund Fucking
Freud now just because you lucked into finding a lamp with a genie inside?
MAN
Actually I didn't luck into it. I knew it was here because an
old man in London told me about it.
GENIE
Thin guy, weird mole on his right cheek?
MAN
Yeah.
GENIE
I remember him. Interesting guy!
MAN
He said you were a real pussy.
GENIE
Hmmm. Eh. He's right.
BLACKOUT!