MARLOWE CHARGES
A DETECTIVE in a trench coat is in a living room with a
beautiful GIRL, an OLDER MAN in a suit, and an overweight BALD MAN holding a
statue of a bird.
DETECTIVE
So that's it, dollface. You killed your sister to try and get
the statue of the bird. Your father found out and tried Mr. Pennington here to
protect you. The bird was stolen from the Egyptian government -- they're
sending an ambassador over to pick it up.
GIRL
Well it looks like you've got it all figured out Marlowe. I
guess I'll be in the big house soon. And I guess this case is closed.
MARLOWE
One more thing: I have a bill for nine days of
detective work at $25 per - $225 total. How do you want to pay for
this, dollface?
GIRL
What are you talking about, you're sending me to jail!
MARLOWE
Sure, but you hired me. You walked into my office 9
days ago, with the kind of legs that start at the floor and keep on
running up till they've filled the brain of every man within ten
miles...
GIRL
Stop that. I was just trying to create evidence that I
couldn't have killed my sister.
MARLOWE
I still worked for nine days. How about you, pops?
FATHER
Are you asking me to pay your bill?
MARLOWE
You encouraged me to keep investigating when I was going to
quit a few days ago. That's sort of a verbal contract. That
kind of contract a man like you should respect -- business man who
worked his way up from nothing into a the velvet curtained-rooms of
northern California...
FATHER
Cut that out. Look, I'm not paying you. I'm likely going to
jail and I never wanted any of this investigated.
BALD MAN
Yes, and I'm not paying you -- you've taken away my falcon
statue -- my only valuable possession! I have no money!
MARLOWE
Look, someone's gotta pay me, right? You all saw me working.
FATHER
I'm not paying anything! You know really, since my
other daughter is dead -- there's no one that your detective work is
really helping. You've implicated everyone involved in the case!
MARLOWE
How about justice? Can't we say I'm working for the justice
of the murder of poor Sally Herman?
GIRL
Yes, you could say that. But she didn't hire you from beyond
the grave and she certainly couldn't pay you.
FATHER
Yeah, you're a real pain in the ass!
BALD MAN
Everyone of us is worse off -- WAY worse!
MARLOWE
Okay! Okay! Could someone just cover my gas? Jesus, I hate
invoicing!
FATHER
You should have just used my car! You spend like a crazy
person!
MARLOWE
All right, don't micro-manage me! I was on the trail of a
murderer, I wasn't watching the receipts!
BALD MAN
You don't have receipts? What are supposed to take your word
about your expenses?
GIRL
I wish I never hired you! It's the biggest regret of my life, and I killed my sister!
MARLOWE
Okay, look! Could someone at least write up a testimonial I
could use for advertising purposes?
FATHER
Okay.
They all settle down and start writing.