MARLOWE CHARGES

A DETECTIVE in a trench coat is in a living room with a beautiful GIRL, an OLDER MAN in a suit, and an overweight BALD MAN holding a statue of a bird.

DETECTIVE

So that's it, dollface. You killed your sister to try and get the statue of the bird. Your father found out and tried Mr. Pennington here to protect you. The bird was stolen from the Egyptian government -- they're sending an ambassador over to pick it up.

GIRL

Well it looks like you've got it all figured out Marlowe. I guess I'll be in the big house soon. And I guess this case is closed.

MARLOWE

One more thing: I have a bill for nine days of detective work at $25 per - $225 total. How do you want to pay for this, dollface?

GIRL

What are you talking about, you're sending me to jail!

MARLOWE

Sure, but you hired me. You walked into my office 9 days ago, with the kind of legs that start at the floor and keep on running up till they've filled the brain of every man within ten miles...

GIRL

Stop that. I was just trying to create evidence that I couldn't have killed my sister.

MARLOWE

I still worked for nine days. How about you, pops?

FATHER

Are you asking me to pay your bill?

MARLOWE

You encouraged me to keep investigating when I was going to quit a few days ago. That's sort of a verbal contract. That kind of contract a man like you should respect -- business man who worked his way up from nothing into a the velvet curtained-rooms of northern California...

FATHER

Cut that out. Look, I'm not paying you. I'm likely going to jail and I never wanted any of this investigated.

BALD MAN

Yes, and I'm not paying you -- you've taken away my falcon statue -- my only valuable possession! I have no money!

MARLOWE

Look, someone's gotta pay me, right? You all saw me working.

FATHER

I'm not paying anything! You know really, since my other daughter is dead -- there's no one that your detective work is really helping. You've implicated everyone involved in the case!

MARLOWE

How about justice? Can't we say I'm working for the justice of the murder of poor Sally Herman?

GIRL

Yes, you could say that. But she didn't hire you from beyond the grave and she certainly couldn't pay you.

FATHER

Yeah, you're a real pain in the ass!

BALD MAN

Everyone of us is worse off -- WAY worse!

MARLOWE

Okay! Okay! Could someone just cover my gas? Jesus, I hate invoicing!

FATHER

You should have just used my car! You spend like a crazy person!

MARLOWE

All right, don't micro-manage me! I was on the trail of a murderer, I wasn't watching the receipts!

BALD MAN

You don't have receipts? What are supposed to take your word about your expenses?

GIRL

I wish I never hired you! It's the biggest regret of my life, and I killed my sister!

MARLOWE

Okay, look! Could someone at least write up a testimonial I could use for advertising purposes?

FATHER

Okay.

They all settle down and start writing.