YOU CHECK FOR ME
Split screen between a MAN working at his desk and a WOMAN
waking up in bed. She's phoning the MAN.
MAN
Hello, this is Jack.
WOMAN
What time is it?
MAN
Carrie? Are you still in bed?
WOMAN
Yeah, we stayed out too late last night. What time is it?
MAN
Can't you just look at your clock?
WOMAN
Come on! You do it. I'm tired! Is it raining out?
MAN
There's no windows where I work. Just get up and look out of
the window.
WOMAN
Check the weather and then put it on twitter. I'll check it
with my phone.
MAN
Then YOU check a weather site! I'm working. Hang on, another
call.
Three way split screen, now with another GUY, who is also
waking up in his bed.
GUY
Jack! It's Sam. Man, we raged at that bar, right?
MAN
I guess, yeah.
GUY
Hey man, do my shoes fit?
He drops his feet out of the sheets. We see he is wearing
shoes.
MAN
How do you mean?
GUY
I mean, do my shoes fit. I bought new shoes last week and I'm
wearing them. Do they fit?
MAN
How should I know? You're wearing them!
GUY
Just tell me! Put it on twitter.
MAN
No. Hold on, another call.
Four way split, another GIRL.
GIRL
Jack! It's Gina. Fun times at O'Mulligans, dude. The whole
gang was there. Hey, let me ask you: do I exist?
MAN
I beg your pardon?
GIRL
Do I exist? Am I a sentient being with its own soul, or is my
feeling of existence an illusion?
MAN
I'm not sure how to answer that, at least not quickly.
GIRL
Find out and tweet that shit. I need to know!
WOMAN
Is that Gina? Ask her if I exist. I've been wondering.
GIRL
Tell Gina I think maybe none of us exist.
GUY
Jack! I think my shoes might fit. Am I right?
MAN
I have no idea if they fit. Look guys, I need to work. Just
because I'm the onlly one who has a day job.
WOMAN
Jack! Don't be a derdickles! What times is it, what's the
weather like and do we exist?
GUY
You're being a derdickles, duder.
GIRL
Total Von Dee Dirdickleston, d-bag.
MAN
I don't know! You all just have to get up!
He hangs up. All the screens vanish except for MAN. BOSS
walks up to MAN's cubicle.
BOSS
Got your report. Am I happy with it?
MAN
You are. What is a derdickles?
BOSS
I don't think that's a work people say. It sounds like it's
meant to be a derogatory term, though.
MAN
Thank you.
BOSS walks away. MAN starts glowing. He grows a halo. A giant
hand reaches down from space and pulls him up into the cloud where it puts him
in a first-class compartment in a train which drives him to heaven.