CONCERNED HOT DOG VENDOR

A MAN approaches a VENDOR manning a hot dog cart.

MAN

One hot dog please.

VENDOR

No, you're too fat.

MAN

That's not your business.

VENDOR

I won't be party to your self-destruction. No hot dogs. You want a water?

MAN

No! I want a hot dog.

VENDOR

Take it elsewhere, fatty. I won't have your heart attack on my conscience.

JOGGING MAN approaches.

JOGGING MAN

One hot dog, please.

VENDOR

Yes, sir.

Gives a hot dog, JOGGING MAN jogs off.

MAN

Because he's exercising?

VENDOR

Yeah, he'll burn off the fat.

FAT JOGGING MAN jogs up. He's wearing a suit.

FAT JOGGING MAN

One hot dog, please.

VENDOR

Nice try, fuck off.

FAT JOGGING MAN nods and runs off.

MAN

My heart is in fine shape. Just sell me a hot dog.

VENDOR

Do you have any documentation on that?

MAN

I do, in fact. I just went to the doctor's. Here's his analysis of my health. He says my heart's fine.

MAN presents a file. VENDOR inspects.

VENDOR

I'll be damned. All right, one hot dog.

MAN

Thanks, and a Pepsi.

VENDOR

Not with teeth like that. Here's some floss.

MAN

No.

VENDOR

Take care of yourself. What would your wife say?

MAN

I'm not married.

VENDOR

Fine. Here's some cologne and a good book.

MAN

Pardon me?

VENDOR

Smell good, and have something to talk about. Not roll along fatty.

SECOND FAT JOGGING MAN WITH GIRL jogs up.

SECOND FAT JOGGING MAN WITH GIRL

My wife says I can have a hot dog.

VENDOR

Fine, now it's not my responsibility.

MAN

How socially un-progressive!

VENDOR

I know what I'm doing.

MAN has a heart attack and dies.

VENDOR

My conscience is clean.

Sure.