Read the mission statement for an introduction and a complete list of stories. Spite presents: DATING: AL DENTE Chapter 1: The Guy Who Jumped Out Of My Car by the KillerQueen It was Valentine's Day. Setting aside my inborn hatred for the nausea this day tended to force inside me anyway, I decided I wanted to spend a nice evening with a man -- eating dinner, sipping slings, chatting about the mysteries of life and, perhaps most importantly, sharing the dimly-lit ambiance that always belonged to the other "lucky" women who, year after year, always seemed to have lovers to celebrate this Hallmark occasion with while I stayed at home, rented a cheesy slasher flick and ate fruit cocktail straight from the can. So began the quintessential blind date. What to wear, what to wear. On the phone he had been so charismatic, colourfully gushing to me about his writing career, his international excursions, his love for animals...his hatred for all things fat. No fat? Sounded like a challenge to me -- after all, true Viking women like myself are neither docile nor Kate Moss. It was definitely no skin off his back to defend a woman's fat if it was well-placed fat in the form of breasts: "Oh, but I love women with shape...yes, beautiful breasts are the true mark of a Venus, and thighs -- oh, to sleep on a bed of voluptuousness!" or some such drivel...I can't remember exactly how he turned his eagerness into poetry, but I was absolutely itching with curiosity. He would either love my hourglass -- worship it, even -- or seethe quietly through a fake smile and make a hasty retreat. Which would it be? Go on to the next page.