Mathematics of Celebrity Death
by Bradford Contemporary

No achivement wins the sympathies of fellow humans more reliably than the act of dying, (with the possible exception of declaring war). We have all witnessed the deaths of unlikeable, even despicable men, and then seen the seemingly genuine lauding of them at their funerals, no matter how inarguable their shortcomings were during life. This is nowhere more true than in the realm of the public figure, where the following equation is as sure as the law of gravity:

Public Perception Before		Event		Public Perception After
Famous Indivdual	+	death	=	More Beloved Famous Individual

(Just ask Michael Hutchence, recently late singer of INXS, whose videos received more airplay this past weekend than any time since the fall of the Soviet Union.)

As a public service to the multitude of public figures in Spite's audience, we will now try to develop this equation more accurately. That is, if any death helps a public image, which types of death helps which public figures the most? Recent years and accompaning deaths have given us ample data with which to develop these theories.