Spite presents: My Friends and I Might As Well Be Gay by Brian Hines There we were, the three of us, all singing along with the Backstreet Boys on the radio. Not only were we singing along, but we each maintained our own part of the harmony. It was all in good fun, but should this type of behavior be "good fun" for three males? My moment of clarity came about during my senior year of college. It was then I was told that an openly gay student had given me the nickname "Cutie Patootie" when I first moved into the dorm. It took over a full year for this nugget of information to reach my ears, and when it did I was struck with an array of emotions. Surprise, wonder, and to be honest a moment of being uncomfortable. Not because this guy was gay and he found me to be a... uhh... cutie patootie, but because I began to think, "Do my actions and interests portray that of a stereotypical gay man?" I needed a moment to reflect. As I discussed this with my closest friends I began to think about some objects I own: CDs by both the Backstreet Boys and 98 Degrees, a Tiffany T-shirt, and an autographed picture of Richard Simmons. Not the manliest array of assets. I decided to pass this off as a humorous coincidence and forgot about it. That is until I came home for summer break. My first night back in my hometown my friend Cort and I took a short trip to the mall. It was then he said, "The Spice Girls are coming to town! Wanna go?" After a half second of deep thought I enthusiastically replied "Hell yeah!!!" Both of us cheered in glee while being completely aware that within weeks we would be "spicing up our life", and fully promoting "Girl Power". The night of the concert arrived. As we entered the arena we noticed we were the only two over the age of 15 who were not parents among the 95% female crowd. That was fine with us, we just wanted to have a fun night. But the fun stopped after waiting an hour in line for a $25 T-shirt, and everything became serious. We were constantly told by parents "now YOU two don't look like normal Spice Girl fans" with a confused and slightly concerned look on their faces. It's true, normal we are not. It doesn't stop with our choice in music. Another infatuation is odor, particularly our own. Most males our age own a cologne or two, but we have taken this to a whole other level. It doesn't stop with cologne. We must own the soap, deodorant stick, after shave, after shave balm, hair and body shower gel, shaving gel, cooling gel, moisturizing lotion, and whatever else the brand has put in that glass case in Filenes. The colognes we pick don't help our testosterone campaign either. Cort, and the final part of our triad of "gay-ish" behavior Doug, are large supporters and customers of the cologne "Le Male" by French fashion designer Jean-Paul Gaulltier. There are no words to describe the flamboyancy of this man. A picture says a million words. Doug was even devoted enough to buy Gaulltier's perfume for his girlfriend! She accepted it with smiles and gratitude, but I wonder if a boundary was crossed. Cort and Doug are also big fans of the store Abercrombie and Fitch. There's nothing unusual about that, many males our age have a wardrobe consisting of primarily Abercrombie and Fitch clothing. But do most males our age want to be Abercrombie models? And do they want to be Abercrombie models so bad that they hold their own private photo shoots? It was not uncommon at all at one point in time to go to Doug's house and find the two wearing their wife-beater tank tops, snapping black and white photos of each other. And it's no joke! They take this very serious... maybe a little too serious. I should know. My job in this process was to handle the lighting. Holding a scalding hot light above my head for hours on end is not too fun, but it's the price you pay for art. Or it's the least I can do to support my friends and their dream. What the hell is with us? Are we real men? Parts of us are, but every manly morsel of us is battled with an equal type of disturbingly effeminate habit. Doug loves those Victoria Secret models, but should he go so far to receive the catalog in the mail with his name on the label? Cort reads and enjoys Maxim as much as the next guy, but after reading he puts on his uniform and barks orders at other men who must obey his every whim as members of the National Guard. And is my infatuation with Katie Holmes a mere cover up so I can watch Dawson's Creek without any bit of inner-guilt? Who knows? But until we find out, we are three straight men who see it as no problem to enjoy our boy bands, cologne, and men in uniform. For Halloweens of recent years, Brian Hines and his friends have meticulously dressed up as both Milli Vanilli and the stars of Chips. Spite Home | Bile Cabinet Write Spite | Post A Message