This is an important step in the grudge-holding process, but to be effective, it must be introduced early on.

Assume you are the only injured party in any dispute. There can be no "sharing" of blame in a real grudge match. It doesn't matter if you have caused another individual humiliation, inconvenience, or bodily harm. In some way, you are the victim. It becomes your job to find that way. Let's take a tip from John:

Example

The following day, John's co-worker begins to complain about the destruction of his desk, his ruined file and third degree burns resulting in scar tissue. John's response:

Wrong: "Third degree burns don't scar. Honest."

Better: "Yeah, yeah, we've all got problems. Did I tell you I almost fell asleep at the wheel driving home yesterday? I could have been killed! I don't like to jump to conclusions, but I did have to drink decaf yesterday for some reason . . ."

Once again, John has followed through admirably. He has defined his own niche as the victim in this situation, and is now free to whine about it as often as necessary in order to gain the upper hand.

There is but one step left for John to achieve true grudgedom.