 by Will Hines |
My Man- Breasts Are Out of Control |
They look like two water balloons. They make my body look funny and lumpy. Out of context, each man-breast looks serious. The nipple is an unblinking eye somberly inspecting the world.
But taken together, my man-breasts are a riot! They have a lot of hair. The thick sheet of hair on my torso looks like tufts of lint on a dryer screen.
In college I shaved the hair off of my stomach. My roommate, a body-builder, told me that he shaved his torso because it accentuated his muscles. I figured shaving my stomach hair would make my pot belly look smaller. It made my front look a big face: nipples for eyes, chest hair like an afro and my innie navel like a mouth.
When I run or even walk quickly, my man-breasts jiggle like Santa's belly. They look like rotted melons: hairy and soggy. Even when I'm stretched out on my back they retain a round shape like the backs of two hairy spoons. My back is actually fairly lean-looking and muscular. But whew, those breasts! They looks like sponges with eyes. Or beanbags with spouts. They look like breasts. - 7-Apr-2000
Will Hines is currently working on his next article: 'My Ass Smells Like Ass'
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