 He lost more money today than you'll ever think about |
I was watching TV the other day I saw a very sarcastic commercial by Nike asking the NBA to start its season soon. These commercials are humorous and I got a good chuckle out of them, but then I started to think. "Who am I to laugh at these athletes?" With the NBA lockout threatening to disintegrate the rest of the 1998-99 professional basketball season all players would be left unemployed. With 29 teams, and 12 players on each team, this would result in 348 people without jobs. And what do we do? Complain, whine, and make jest of this serious problem. Shame on us. Shame. Spite presents: The Unemployment of the NBA by Brian Hines I know what you're thinking. "These players can go out and get other jobs until the season starts up again" -- but think it about it people! Most, and probably all, of these players have no training in any other field but the sport of basketball. Players like Karl Malone and Charles Barkley who have been playing in the league for over ten years, have no job experience in the modern working world. It looks like it would be welfare checks and food stamps for these American heroes. Let's not forget that Patrick Ewing, another big time NBA player, and a pillar in the league, is at risk of being banned from the NBA.(see earlier Spite article by Stadley Rough) His status and value will plummet worse than the average player! Even the league's greatest player ever, Michael Jordan, has resorted to making money off shameless commercials for such companies as Nike and Gatorade. To have a player such as Jordan crawling on his hands and knees to the offices of these corporations begging for a chance to be in a commercial or two is a disgrace to him, the NBA, and us as a nation and society. |
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| And what is to become of players without the sponsors and endorsements that Michael has scrounged up? Yes, I speak of Shaquille O'Neal. Why the other day I saw him at the local redemption center with a shopping cart full of Pepsi cans. I asked Shaq, "Excuse me, Shaq Diesel? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the filming of Kazaam 2?" He bent down and said "Well, without basketball, nobody seems to see me as unique or even marketable. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go get my earrings melted down for some cash. Even the Diesel needs to eat" And he lumbered away with a tear in his eye and a BIG ASS earring in his hand. |
 Shaq, shown taking a free throw. |
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 Starring Kobe Bryant. Or whatever |
The biggest fear of mine is for players like Kobe Bryant and Kevin Garnett. These guys don't even have any college education! Are these two highlight film stars going to end up looking more like those two kids in Good Burger? If I walked into a Wendy's and saw Garnett struggling with cash register and attempting to make change in his head I would be forced to say, "Hey G-man. Keep the change… and can I have a Frosty too?" | |
| It is my opinion that we need to come together as a nation, and collect money for these now poverty stricken people. Let's think back to the 80s, and such musical collaborations as Farm Aid and USA for Africa. Not only did they raise money and solve the world's hunger problem, they gave VH-1 a great amount of tape to fill up some air time. I think it's time to give Lionel Richie a call and ask him to start composing a song for "NBAid 98" Unfortunately, the scariest part of it all is if Lionel can't fix the problem... who can? |  He's easy like Sunday morning, but he can't help us now. |
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 Brian wrote this a month ago, before the Sprite commercial came out that shows Grant Hill mowing people's lawns, but Will couldn't get it together to print it until now. Post A Message |