I sawr Titanic tha' otha' day and I thawt to meself, whatta bloody fooking joke! I should ov been in this moovie. It only makes sense to me, mate! One reason I should ov been in it is begawse I'm in the biggest band in tha' fooking world! So it only makes sense for me to be in tha' biggest moovie in tha' world. I could ov made that moovie muchg betta'.

First ov ahll, it wasn't vary realistic now, wuz it? For thoze who sawr this moovie you know tha' rich prick in the moovie, right? He was a wanka' to tha' hero -- my role! Well, in tha' real moovie that kid did nothing 'bout it! What the fook is that!? If it were me mate, there would ov been a beer bottle smashed 'cross his fookin' 'ead!

The end ov the moovie would of been betta' too. Here's something you coulda' counted on: me in a fooking life-boat. "Get the fook outta my way. I'm in Oasis." Thas right, mate! Women, children and millionaire rock starts first!

And what tha' fook wuz with tha' soundtrack?! Celin fooking Dion? A buncha shite! Wonderwall is a musch betta' song for tha' moovie. People woulda went to tha' moovie justa hear tha' songs. Songs by tha' greatest bahnd in the world.

The end ov tha' moovie woulda been different, too! The boat would ov never hit tha' iceberg. Instead, tha' boat woulda missed the iceberg and on tha' iceberg woulda been Oasis! And we woulda been playin' so fooking great that tha' muoosic blows a hole in the side of the boat! Fook yeah mate!

Tha' last thing I woulda changed would be 'ow fooking long the moovie wuz. Chrizt! By tha' end ov tha' moovie I couldn't feel my arse! That boat coulda sailed and soonk in a half hour. The rest ov tha' moovie could been uzed for tha' iceberg Oasis concert! That woulda been tops!

So now you see, I should ov been in fooking Titanic.