Editor's Note: We wrote this article the day before last week's attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. We held off on publishing it and considered dropping it entirely since it seemed in poor taste to make jokes about New York, even the notorious Yankees, in the wake of this awful tragedy. But predicting the certain Red Sox World Series victory has been a Spite tradition for four years now and we can't give up on it now. Besides, there's been a lot of people in American demonstrating their love for their country. Well, what could be more American than putting off tough discussions by talking about sports? So listen: we're as sad and scared and angry about last week as everyone else in our country. But it can't stop us from bringing the following piece of great news....
This Is Their Year!
by Will Hines, Kevin Hines and Greg Lancaster
(Don't forget to see
Red Sox: This is Their Year, 2004 edition - CALLED IT!
Red Sox: This is Their Year, 2003 edition, or
Red Sox: This is Their Year, 2002 edition, or
Red Sox: This is Their Year, 2000 edition, or
Red Sox: This is Their Year, 1999 edition, or
Red Sox: This is Their Year, 1998 edition.)
This one is in the bag. Granted, we've said it before, and with the Boston Red Sox 12 games
out of the playoffs you were probably thinking we wouldn't make the claim
again. But more then ever before we are certain the Boston Red Sox will win the world championship.
Now we all know that the Red Sox have not won a World Series since 1918. And many people say the Red Sox are cursed due in no small part to the worst trade in sports history by giving Babe Ruth to the Yankees in 1920. And a quick read of any sports page shows the Sox have lost 13 of their last 14, are suffering under a new manager who has no experience, and have seen its best pitcher, hitter and catcher suffer season-ending injuries. We guess that makes things look bad.
But that's IF you are looking too close. If you look at the big picture, there is no question what the outcome this season will be: a 2001 World Series Championship for the Red Sox. How come? Well, since we here at Spite concentrate on the big picture, let writers Kevin Hines, Will Hines, and Greg Lancaster give you the proper perspective on why the Red Sox have this year's World Series championship sewn up:
- There's no more pressure since everyone assumes the Red Sox are out of it.
There's nothing like a media circus to jinx a team on the rise. By cleverly losing the last 13 of 14 games, the Red Sox have ducked into a serene oasis of media silence. The newly calm and collected Red Sox will soon be teaching the world a new philosophy: Zen and the Art of Winning the World Series.
- Mariah Carey suffered an emotional breakdown.
Though they haven't dated in years, we all know that Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter and pop screecher Mariah Carey are true soul mates. With his sweetheart suffering in sadness, Jeter will suffer in strikeouts and errors. And soon the country will be singing a new number one hit: "The Red Sox Have Won The World Series."
- A Red Sox fan is running for mayor of New York.
The Yankees have been winning in recent years but they have had the assurance of Rudy Guiliani, a mayor who was a devout Yankee fan. With a pending election, their city's future is uncertain and there is a real possibility that Mets fan will be elected. Heck, the longshot Republican candidate Michael Bloomberg is FROM BOSTON. The Yankees frankly have bigger concerns then winning the world series. But there's only one checkbox on the Red Sox ballot, and it reads "2001 World Series Championship for Boston."
It's been 83 years since we last won. 8 - 3 = 5. 5 is Boston All-Star shortstop Nomar Garciaparra's number. Nomar is on the disabled list. Since Nomar is on the disabled list, so is the curse. It adds up to a World Series for Beantown.
- The 'Code Red' computer virus really meant 'Code Red Sox.'
It's true. We read that somewhere. That computer virus was never designed to attack the White House's web site. Instead, it will infiltrate all machinery of the Yankees' training rooms. Every pitching machine, ice maker, hot tub and scale will be thrown out of whack. The confused and ill-prepared Yankees will be mincemeat come October. And according to our calcuations, that adds up to a Championship for the Old Towne Team.
- As the century ends, so do its curses.
It seems reasonable that even the most stubborn curse would wear off at the start of a new
century. And now that the 20th century is over, so is the 20th century Curse of
Babe Ruth! Go Sox! (yeah, we used this last year, but technically the century didn't start until 2001!)
So you might as well start watching the just started football season, because baseball is going to end in the obvious forgone conclusion: Boston Red Sox 2001 World Champions.
Actually, there is no way the Red Sox can win the World Series this year. Go Sox. All statistics in this article are as of September 10, 2001.
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