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Unabomer is really spelled (originally, by Ted himself) with one "b". But the press picked it up and added the other b to make it all nice and pretty. I prefer the way Ted did it. A former math professor at the once-prestigious (pre-trial, of course) Harvard University, Kaczynski opted for a career change in the late seventies when he decided that, "Calculus just isn't as much fun as blowing stuff up." 
The Unabomber has some regrets. Parts of his journal, read at the trial, revealed a failed bombing attempt in which Kaczynski spent over three hundred dollars on expenses, clothing (yeah, hooded sweatshirts and sunglasses CAN get a little expensive, we hear ya, Ted), and disguises, ". . . and then the thing failed to explode--damn!" In addition to waiving all rights to appeals AND royalty payments for selling his story as part of his plea bargain, he is required to pay 3.25 million dollars in restitution to the families of his victims, and to "stop sending people bombs." |
Unabomer: by Jill Waldbieser Well the news is out, and media spokespersons everywhere are furious. The second biggest "Trial of the Century" (try to just block that first one from your mind for the moment) has come to an abrupt halt due to a suprise maneuver on the part of the defendant, Theodore "Teddy Bear" Kaczynski. In this one brilliant, compassionate move, the paranoid schizophrenic otherwise known as The Unabomer has spared the American public from a fate worse than, well, OJ. I'm sure that you, as a member of the same American public as I, have been prepared to avoid television, newspapers, and all other media services for at least the next year due to the (until recently) impending trial. But Kaczynski, who has already been crucified by the press, has turned the tables. And this daring move has led me to believe that he's not the monster they make him out to be. Sure he has no remorse, no pity, no grasp of reality at all, but he did make one truly moral decision in his life. He made it last Thursday, when he said the word "guilty" and spared us from the torture of yet another costly, monotonous trial. Why is this such a devastating blow to the Associated Press and other syndicates? Well for starters, the media in this country is notorious for its exhaustive coverage of every current event, from White House scandals to those stupid beanie toys given out at fast food chains last year. Have we all forgotten how much air time was devoted to those disgustingly cute little critters? And we're talking beanie toys here, for crying out loud. When the press gets something really juicy, something like say, a courtroom battle, they attack it with all the fervor of a talk show guest. I blame this in part on those morons who tuned in every single day for the OJ trial. Some even had the stupidity to set their VCRs to record a day's session when they couldn't be home to catch it. These are no doubt the same people who watch Divorce Court and The People's Court for real courtroom drama. Well for once, someone has taken a stand. Kaczynski has refused to become another media showhorse, and I, for one, applaud him. Apparently, he decided that nearly twenty years of supplying bored reporters with easy headlines is enough, and retirement from his brilliant career cometh soon. Which is not to say the media doesn't have every right to be pissed off. Kaczynski was the Associated Press's dream come true. His actions in the courtroom, at least up until Thursday, were brilliant distractions; everything from dismissing his lawyers to trying to fill out his psychiatric evaluation with crayon landed him his own personal spot on front pages across America. With the Unabomer trial over with, news teams everywhere are scrambling to fill the thousands of square feet of headline space and months of air time already devoted to Kaczynski's defense strategy. As an added slap in the face, Kaczynski waived all rights to appeals AND royalty payments for selling his story as part of the plea bargain. So yes, maybe we will be missing out on the finer points of the would-be trial (Kaczynski making every court appearance in a hooded sweatshirt and shades), but let's not overlook that Kaczynski now ranks among the nation's heroes. He's upset the media giants in a way no one has ever been able to before, and that makes him, in my mind, pretty cool. More than that, he saved us from ourselves: the money-grubbing capitalists eager to cash in on his hard-won fame with an endless parade of self-serving, media enterprising books, made-for-TV-movies, home shopping sales of the "Unabomer Hooded Sweatshirt" (with genuine nitroglycerin stains!) and reprints of his manifesto with "Unabomer" spelled with the extra "B." So he's won my respect. I'm all for awarding him a national holiday. After all, he's done the American people more good than say, Christopher Columbus. At the very least we can thank him for his courageous decision. We all know what a sacrifice early retirement is, particularly after such a long and distinguished career. I say we let him skip the jail-time, maybe find a nice retirement home. He'd make an excellent arts and crafts director: today's project, cut and paste bomb threats. Jill Waldbieser is an English major at Bucknell University and the youngest of three siblings and she has this to say to her brother: If you ever rat on me, I'll bomb you good. You can see other articles from the Bile Cabinet.
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