 A 500-Word Rant |
The Ellen Episode A 500-Word Rant by JF |
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Internet publications have overused the term "rant", reducing it to a shallow buzzword which roughly means "hip editorial column." Not here. A rant in Spite Magazine is just that: a short, emotional, and often irrational outburst. We want them to remind you of the way you sound right after you stub your toe for the second time in one day, discover that your car has been towed, or hear your parents are getting a divorce. Rants in Spite Magazine are exactly 500 words long, stopping in mid-sentence if necessary.
*Jim is referring to articles from The Nation and Suck Magazine published around May 1, 1997.
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I once tried to watch an Ellen episode,
for about two minutes; it sucked. There was no way I was buying into the media
hype for this one. I just don't give a shit and I wish that the masses would
focus their attention on something other than the next stupid hype story. Which
Hollywood mogul's daughter's dog is going to rape a cat next? This country is
going to hell in a fucking handbasket. All the more apparent when you read
today's Suck(*) and bounce over to the article on media ownership in The Nation.
The same journalists and trumped up pretty-boy news anchors who can't
decide between the OJ verdict (I'll bet the jurors knew exactly what they were
doing; "I still remember missing that episode of Golden Girls when Bush
interrupted with his State of the Union. I think we should show Clinton how it
feels.") and the State of the Union address which is the more important, and who
so frequently preach about their excellent coverage while dropping all but the
faintest coverage on international affairs, and who are paid ridiculous sums to
read watered-down news while providing that trusting, fatherly, I'm-almost-as-good-as-Cronkite air, all the while leading you to believe that they are in the
trenches fighting for journalistic integrity, and the little man, and the truth,
and let's throw in justice and the American way while we're at it, are really
nothing more that scared office workers, quick to apologize for or to the boss
(those fucks at Disney) because they want to make sure they can make that next
payment on the Lexus. What we need from journalists are more people who don't
give a fuck about cars and love to stick it to the man; especially if it is
Disney or big business or big government. They shouldn't hand out another
Pulitzer to a journalist unless he destroys something corrupt. This is a topic I
could rant about for the next week, and I don't give a fuck about Suck's
opinions about short rants. What we need is someone who never stops ranting, who
can point out that most of the problems we have in this country can be tied
together, who can make the good ole boy network sweat because he (or she) never,
never shuts up. It's too bad that little milquetoasts like Gates are one-half of
the people who get super-rich. And what does he want to do with it, put Windows
on everything from your watch to your walls? Big deal, that's so small potatoes,
he'll control how you access information. Who's controlling which information
you'll be allowed to access? It would seem that the rest of the people who
control the money in this country are either corrupt or stupid (you could also
read idealist for stupid). What we need are rich people who know the corrupt
tricks, but use the advantages gained to help the masses rather than just
themselves.
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