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This happened a few months ago, but it’s funny so I’m posting about it now anyway.

Tabitha works at Spring Street Natural, so I met her there after her shift one Saturday afternoon. We decided we wanted coffee, and Balthazar is right next door to her restaurant. Despite being a snobby place for paparazzi-hungry celebrities, Balthazar also has pretty cheap and good coffee available to go, so we got two cups. We were going to Terry Jinn’s to watch Battlestar Galactica, and decided that we should bring something, and realized that Dean and Deluca was on the corner, so we got cookies there. Then we wanted a crossword puzzle, so we picked up a New York Times and got on the [...]

| Tags: nyc, tabitha, whoops

I had to buy some wigs this week for a video at work, so I went to Lacey Wigs on west 39th. Way west, like close to the water. I always feel like I’m in the 1950s when I’m in that neighborhood. Old beautiful brick buildings still being used for warehouse storage as if a big brick building in Manhattan is no big deal so why not just use it for storage? The REAL Manhattan is over on Park Avenue — forget this area! I’m not articulating it well. Someone help me.

Also the elevators in all these building are amazingly, hilariously slow. Not as slow as the one in The Onion’s building — but close!

| Tags: nyc, wigs

The heat wave broke this very minute with a huge and powerful downpour. There must have been a concert in McCarren Pool up the street because there is a huge crush of teenagers and twentysomethings running down Lorimer St. to the subway, all shrieking in the rain. It’s like a low-budget horror movie, albiet one that ends with a lot of people cramming into Pete’s Candy Store across the street.

| Tags: nyc

I saw this guy on the E train, sort of a punk look on a guy who was in his 40s, I’d say. It reminded me of a Gilbert Hernandez comic (Girl Crazy) where there’s a quick scene in a town full of senior citizens all dressed in punk gear — piercings, tattoos, leather. I asked his persmission, and he seemed fine with it — then felt awkward so this was a rushed picture. He has a Joy Division shirt on that says “Love Will Tear Us Apart.”

| Tags: gilbert hernandez, girl crazy, nyc, photos

There were no ads in the West 4th Street subway station last week, at least when I walked through it. Those big blocks of black had an impressively calming effect on the place. I hadn’t noticed how much “noise” all those ads put out, visually speaking, until they were missing. I wish they’d stay missing!

Yours truly,

A ninety year old

| Tags: advertising, nyc

For the past week or so, I’ve bought a copy of The Daily News in the morning to read on the subway. Twelve years here, and I’m finally starting to feel like a real New Yorker.

| Tags: daily news, newspapers, nyc

Courtesy of an Xmas gift from Hines Bro Brian, I had a royal shave at an Art of Shaving store last Friday.

I’ve had a straight razor shave once before: when I returned from Japan and had to go from the airport to the UCB Theatre to perform in Rob Lathan’s “one-man” show (also featuring myself and John Gemberling) — I had 2 hours to kill. To keep me from falling prey to jet lag, I had a shave at a barber shop. It works, although it is completely harrowing. I keep thinking of Sweeney Todd and how easily these people really could completely murder you with that unguarded super-sharp razor rubbing right near your jugular [...]

| Tags: brian, nyc, shaving

Hana Food on Metropolitan Avenue near the Lorimer St. stop. Available only when ordering in person not over the phone.

• Call Me Beeyotch!
• Yankee!
• Kingdom of Heaven
• The Illegal
• Lady in the Water
• Happy Feet
• Dirty Feet
• Cheap Bastard
• Douchebag
• Kiss the Chef
• Rush Hour
• The Grinch
• Mets
• Mr. Hotshot
• Jessica’s Party
• Eagle
• Elephant
• Zebra
• Shark
• Lake House

| Tags: deli, hana food, lists, nyc

Human Giant’s new sketch about viral videos is hilarious. I don’t enjoy “comedy” videos which are just idiots summarizing the plots of hit movies. I’m not even gonna dig up a link to any.

Hines Bro Kevin’s birthday is today.

I moved to NYC 12 years ago this week.

| Tags: human giant, kevin, nyc

There’s a couple I see on the L train some mornings, and they look fascinating to me. They’re both the same height and carry matching aluminum coffee thermoses. He has sunglasses and a soul patch — he’s medium build, which looks stocky compared to the stocky weeds that populate the train cars in my neighborhoods. She has red hair. They stand there and face each other and look completely compelling to me. I almost took a picture of them last time — hoping to do it secretly. But that’s impossible, right? They’d notice and I’d be put in jail for mashing or being a creep or something. Or maybe I could ask? But what if they say no? I run [...]

| Tags: nyc, photos