NONVERBAL WITNESS
A courtroom. MELINDA is on the stand. There's also a BALLIF,
PROSECUTER and STENOGRAPHER.
PROSECUTER
Melinda, I'm going to need you to be more descriptive.
Describe the man who came into your Store 24 and ordered you to empty the cash
register.
MELINDA is enthusiastic but uses a lot of facial expressions
and noises to describe things.
MELINDA
Ok. I was at the register and I was just all [bored] "ehhhhh"
and then this guy came in all [sinister] "oooooooooh" and I was
like right away I was like "eeeeee!"
PROSECUTER
Could you be any more specific?
MELINDA
Yeah. (slower) *I* was "ehhhhhh" and this GUY was "ooooooh"
and then *I* was "eeeeee!"
PROSECUTER
Could you use any more.... words?
MELINDA
I was ALL "ehhhhh" --- this guy CAME IN and he was ALL
"ooooooh" and then I was like --- right AWAY I was like ---- "eeeeee!"
PROSECUTER
Could I have that read back to me?
STENOGRAPHER
Ummm.. (looking it over)... not really...
PROSECUTER
Okay, fine. Melinda, is the man who came in and
robbed your store in this room.
MELINDA squirms with excitement and bugs out her eyes.
PROSECUTER
Is that... Is that a yes?
MELINDA shudders and points straight up in the air, and then
nods sharply and then shakes her head sharply -- all to emote her excitement.
PROSECUTER
Okay, you nodded in there but you also shook your head. Yes or no -- is the man who robbed your store in this courtroom?
MELINDA
I am all like "whubawhubawhuba"
PROSECUTER walks over and holds her arms down.
PROSECUTER
Sorry your honor, I think you see why this is necessary.
Melinda, is the man who robbed your store....
MELINDA stars shaking her head back and forth, nodding a bit,
shaking her head, eyes bugging out, and then making a sort of "eh" face.
PROSECUTER
Baliff, if you'd help me out.
Two BALIFFs comes in and hold MELINDA's head and face still.
She looks a bit like Alex in A Clockwork Orange.
PROSECUTER
Melinda, is the man who robbed your store in this courtroom?
MELINDA
Errrr..... eeeeeee... whooo!
PROSECUTER
Okay, forget this. Look, I'm going to point around the
courtroom. Say yes if I point at the man who entered your store.
PROSECUTER points around. What follows is MELINDA's different
reactions as she makes eye contact with the differnt people the Prosecuter
points to in the crowd.
MELINDA
That guy's all (shudders) "brbrbrbrbrb"... Oooh, she's a
little (smiles) "ding!"... (extends her arms forward) awwwww.... (retracts her
hands back in dislike) oooh, eeee! (relaxes her body posture)... hello!
sheeeiiiimmmmy!.... (dances in place) squeak squeak squeak! (giggles).
PROSECUTER points at himself. Melinda makes a
particular reaction.
PROSECUTER points at the STENOGRAPHER. Melinda makes a
different particular reaction.
PROSECUTER points back to himself, she reverts to her
previous reaction.
PROSECUTER goes back and forth a few times. Her reactions are
consistent but impenetrable.
PROSECUTER
Melinda, you may step down. I'm sorry your honor, I thought
that testimony would be more helpful.
MELINDA gets down from the witness stand.
PROSECUTER
I'd like to move on and call my next witness (looks at
papers, then drops them as he realizes who it is)... KoKo the signing ape.