DEAD BABY COMPANY (SOLO)

by HINES/MAGEE

WILL sits behind a long desk, at the stage right end. At the stage left end of the desk - as far away from WILL as possible, is a phone. On the front of the desk is a sign with the words "DEAD BABY COMPANY." WILL is staring ahead looking wary and maybe sad.

After a few moments, the phone rings. WILL slowly looks over at it, his face full of dread. He doesn't move to answer it.

The phone rings a second time. WILL is looking ahead, trying to ignore it but looking disturbed.

The phone rings a third time. WILL sighs and scoots over in his chair to where the phone is and answers it.

WILL

Hello, Dead Baby Company.

Yes, we really sell them.

Yes, we have many in stock.

Sure, I can fill out an order for you. May I ask you a question first?

(looks over shoulder, in hushed, paranoid tone)

Why do you want one?

I'm just temping here today. When I took the assignment, and my agency told me the name of the company, I didn't think they were SERIOUS. But they really sell them! People phone here and ORDER THEM!

Everyone here is crazy!

I tried to tell them that their company is weird and wrong but somehow I ended up sounding crazy. And I think they hate me now.

What's your name?

Andrew, my name is Will. Do you live nearby?

Come get me.

Please. Get me out of here. I'll give you directions and I'll be waiting at the loading dock.

What about your order?! I'm not going to fill it! You shouldn't be buying dead babies! Why are you doing it?

You're building a TOWER?

WILL hangs up the phone.

WILL

I hate my job.