MY DELI
I am ordering an egg and cheese sandwich from FIRST DELI GUY.
ME
Egg and cheese sandwich please.
FIRST DELI GUY
On a roll?
ME
No, bagel.
FIRST DELI GUY
Egg and cheese on a bagel.
ME
Yep.
DELI GUY starts to reach for an egg.
FIRST DELI GUY
Hey, uh, cool if I just do everything different?
ME
You mean change what I ordered?
FIRST DELI GUY
That's right.
ME
Okay.
FIRST DELI GUY
Great.
He grabs a hunk of dough and starts playing with it. I move over to see the OTHER DELI GUY.
OTHER DELI GUY
All right, if I'm not looking at you, you're next. That cool
with you guys? Is it?
ME
Me?
OTHER DELI GUY
(not looking at me)
Yeah, you.
ME
Yes, that's fine.
OTHER DELI GUY
Okay. So?
ME
Large coffee.
OTHER DELI GUY
Milk and sugar?
ME
Yes please.
OTHER DELI GUY
Okay. (turns to start) Cool if I just never get this to you?
ME
Yes, of course.
OTHER DELI GUY
Great.
THIRD DELI GUY
Hey.
ME
Yes?
THIRD DELI GUY
Okay if I just yell something at you in Spanish that almost
seems like I'm mad at you, but that can't be because you've never said
anything to
me?
ME
In a way that I still somehow feel guilty about it?
THIRD DELI GUY
Yes.
ME
Yes, that's fine.
THIRD DELI GUY
Ay! Cuando este tu poner y la puerta?
ME
I'm sorry.
FIRST DELI GUY
Here's your roast beef on a pita.
ME
Thank you.
FIRST DELI GUY
I drew a picture of myself on it.
ME
Thank you for that. It looks nice. Hey, is it okay if I ask
for a copy of The New York Times?
OTHER DELI GUY
Okay if I misunderstand that request as a hostile attack on
me personally?
ME
Not at all.
OTHER DELI GUY
Screw you!
THIRD DELI GUY
That reminds me. Okay if as soon as start to walk away, we
pay attention to
you for the first time and all yell at you?
ME
Not in English, right?
ALL DELI GUYS
(variations)
Right. Yes. You got it.
ME
Yes.
I start to turn away.
ALL DELI GUYS
(variations)
Hey! Que es tu madre? Donde es la jardin? Ay caray!
I still leave.