HAIR WAS STANDING UP WHOLE TIME
BRIAN and CHARLIE and sitting in the living room watching
television. GREGORY enters -- his hair is standing straight up.
GREGORY
Hey guys. Man, am I glad to be home.
BRIAN and CHARLIE look at him but don't say anything.
GREGORY
Guess who came into the restaurant today? Guess. Kevin Seal.
Remember him? Used to host 120 minutes on MTV? Sort of annoyingly on-purpose
quirky? Squinty face? He came into the restaurant. And you know what's weird
about him? He's like, 300 pounds now! They only reason I even know for sure
that it's him is that he gave me his autograph WHICH I didn't ask for. Weird,
right?
BRIAN
Yeah, weird.
GREGORY
(starting to head off to his room)
SO weird!
GREGORY is offstage a moment. BRIAN and CHARLIE continue
watching television. GREGORY re-enters.
GREGORY
So....
BRIAN and CHARLIE turn to face him.
GREGORY
My hair... is standing... pretty much straight up in the air.
CHARLIE
It is.
GREGORY
Was it this way when I... LEFT this morning?
BRIAN
(after thinking a moment)
It was.
CHARLIE
Yes it was.
GREGORY
Ok. Ok. How come you guys didn't tell me?
BRIAN
No one at work told you?
GREGORY
Work? You guys are my roommates! Why didn't YOU guys tell me?
BRIAN and CHARLIE look at GREGORY for a long time.
CHARLIE
Yeah, well...Greg, you're kind of a hard guy to talk to.
GREG takes this in.
GREGORY
Wow. Well, I guess I must be. I had no idea I was
that unapproachable. Okay, well, I'm sorry. I can be defensive, and I guess I
need to take
some responsibility for that.
BRIAN and CHARLIE just look at him.
GREGORY
Okay, I'm gonna work on that.
GREGORY turns to leave. There is an octopus straddling his
back. CHARLIE and BRIAN look at each other.
BRIAN
Just leave him be.