NO SURPRISES

Voiceover is classic urgent style.

VOICEOVER

Jack Kicker is the toughest cop in the NYPD. His one weakness: Carla Moonstone, the girlfriend of the deadliest drug dealer in the city's history. Unfortunately for Jack, halfway through the movie, Carla TURNS OUT TO BE A MAN. It would be the biggest surprise of the summer if this trailer hadn't just COMPLETELY GIVEN IT AWAY.

Can't Shut Our Face Productions presents the now completely unsurprising action unthriller "The Cop Who Is Totally Surprised When His Girlfriend Turns Out To Be A Guy At the 1 Hour Three Minute Mark of This Movie"

The tension is unbearable when he makes that crucial discovery. Not for you, since you already know. But for Jack Kicker, it's the worst surprise of his life.

But not as surprising as at the two hour mark when his enemy, Drug Dealer Javier Santana, TURNS OUT TO BE A WOMAN. That would be the second biggest surprise if we hadn't just ruined them both RIGHT NOW.

But Jack Kicker has to deal with this. The same way he has to deal with the fact that man he thought killed his father --- IS HIS FATHER. His partner? WORKING FOR THE MOB! The tough-as-nails police chief who died in his arms -- ISN'T DEAD.  And the corrupt mayor who can't be trusted has a TWIN BROTHER. Who also turns out to BE A WOMAN. It would be amazing, but since I just told you about it, you're gonna totally believe your eyes.

"The Cop Who Is Totally Surprised When His Girlfriend Turns Out To Be A Guy At the 1 Hour Three Minute Mark of This Movie" Starring: Bruce Willis and Kate Beckinsdale. And an uncredited surprise appearance by Sean Connery.