AWKWARD NEIGHBORS
ARNIE knocks on STEPHEN's door. STEPHEN answers regarding
ARNIE suspiciously or with confusion.
STEPHEN
Arnie? Where's Joanna?
ARNIE
She's at home.
STEPHEN
Amy's not here.
ARNIE
I wasn't expecting her to be.
STEPHEN
So... what are you doing here?
ARNIE
Joanna observed that I don't really have any friendships
outside of she and I, and that it would probably be healthy for me to have
some. She also observed that YOU don't seem to have any friendships outside of
you and Amy. So I thought I'd see if you wanted to... hang out.
STEPHEN
Hang out?
ARNIE
Yes.
STEPHEN just stares back suspiciously.
ARNIE
Emotionally healthy.
STEPHEN
Fine.
The next series of statements are their attempts to start
conversations. They are clumsily offered and bobbled in receipt.
CUT TO: ARNIE and STEPHEN on a park bench, sitting not far
apart, staring straight ahead in silence. Finally,
ARNIE
I've noticed that you enjoy dogs.
STEPHEN
Yes.
ARNIE cannot think of a follow-up thought.
STEPHEN
My wife believes that George Clooney is not aging well.
ARNIE
Hmm! That may be!
No follow. STEPHEN wonders why he said that, and allows his
head to drift until it is staring forward again.
CUT TO: ARNIE and STEPHEN standing next to each other in
front of a deli. ARNIE is holding a bin of nuts. STEPHEN has a coffee.
ARNIE
There is a new stop sign on my block and I do not think it is
well-placed.
STEPHEN looks baffled that he should care. Drift back to
staring forward.
STEPHEN
In this day and age, I don't really see the need for boots.
ARNIE
Because of cars?
STEPHEN
No.
Staring forward again.
ARNIE
My grandfather's aunt by marriage was related to Franklin
Pierce.
STEPHEN
And who is that?
ARNIE
He was a president.
STEPHEN
Hmm!
Drift to staring forward.
CUT TO: They are playing catch. STEPHEN holds up a ball.
ARNIE methodically holds up a glove. STEPHEN throws. It goes by ARNIE, who
looks back over his shoulder for a moment. They both drop their hands but do
not move.
CUT TO: Them stretching on outdoor public exercise equipment.
STEPHEN stops to talk and ARNIE stops to listen.
STEPHEN
You know pizza?
ARNIE
The food?
STEPHEN
Yes.
ARNIE
Yes.
STEPHEN
You know what goes good with it?
ARNIE
No.
STEPHEN
Broccoli.
ARNIE
I agree.
STEPHEN
Do you?
ARNIE
I don't know.
CUT TO them in front of a pet store looking the the window.
ARNIE
Well, this isn't really working out.
STEPHEN
No.
ARNIE
Thank you for trying.
STEPHEN
Not at all. "Only those who will risk going too far can
possibly find out how far one can go."
ARNIE
(amazed)
T.S. Eliot!
STEPHEN
You know that?
ARNIE
It was my thesis in college!
STEPHEN
I translated his work into French!
ARNIE
Prufock is heartbreakingly beautiful!
STEPHEN
The Four Quartets: Genius!
They are amazed for a moment.
CUT TO STEPHEN and ARNIE in a car speeding along an
expressway. They are laughing, holding bags of money and shooting out the back
windows. A police siren can be heard in the background.