AWKWARD NEIGHBORS

ARNIE knocks on STEPHEN's door. STEPHEN answers regarding ARNIE suspiciously or with confusion.

STEPHEN

Arnie? Where's Joanna?

ARNIE

She's at home.

STEPHEN

Amy's not here.

ARNIE

I wasn't expecting her to be.

STEPHEN

So... what are you doing here?

ARNIE

Joanna observed that I don't really have any friendships outside of she and I, and that it would probably be healthy for me to have some. She also observed that YOU don't seem to have any friendships outside of you and Amy. So I thought I'd see if you wanted to... hang out.

STEPHEN

Hang out?

ARNIE

Yes.

STEPHEN just stares back suspiciously.

ARNIE

Emotionally healthy.

STEPHEN

Fine.

The next series of statements are their attempts to start conversations. They are clumsily offered and bobbled in receipt.

CUT TO: ARNIE and STEPHEN on a park bench, sitting not far apart, staring straight ahead in silence. Finally,

ARNIE

I've noticed that you enjoy dogs.

STEPHEN

Yes.

ARNIE cannot think of a follow-up thought.

STEPHEN

My wife believes that George Clooney is not aging well.

ARNIE

Hmm! That may be!

No follow. STEPHEN wonders why he said that, and allows his head to drift until it is staring forward again.

CUT TO: ARNIE and STEPHEN standing next to each other in front of a deli. ARNIE is holding a bin of nuts. STEPHEN has a coffee.

ARNIE

There is a new stop sign on my block and I do not think it is well-placed.

STEPHEN looks baffled that he should care. Drift back to staring forward.

STEPHEN

In this day and age, I don't really see the need for boots.

ARNIE

Because of cars?

STEPHEN

No.

Staring forward again.

ARNIE

My grandfather's aunt by marriage was related to Franklin Pierce.

STEPHEN

And who is that?

ARNIE

He was a president.

STEPHEN

Hmm!

Drift to staring forward.

CUT TO: They are playing catch. STEPHEN holds up a ball. ARNIE methodically holds up a glove. STEPHEN throws. It goes by ARNIE, who looks back over his shoulder for a moment. They both drop their hands but do not move.

CUT TO: Them stretching on outdoor public exercise equipment. STEPHEN stops to talk and ARNIE stops to listen.

STEPHEN

You know pizza?

ARNIE

The food?

STEPHEN

Yes.

ARNIE

Yes.

STEPHEN

You know what goes good with it?

ARNIE

No.

STEPHEN

Broccoli.

ARNIE

I agree.

STEPHEN

Do you?

ARNIE

I don't know.

CUT TO them in front of a pet store looking the the window.

ARNIE

Well, this isn't really working out.

STEPHEN

No.

ARNIE

Thank you for trying.

STEPHEN

Not at all. "Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."

ARNIE

(amazed)

T.S. Eliot!

STEPHEN

You know that?

ARNIE

It was my thesis in college!

STEPHEN

I translated his work into French!

ARNIE

Prufock is heartbreakingly beautiful!

STEPHEN

The Four Quartets: Genius!

They are amazed for a moment.

CUT TO STEPHEN and ARNIE in a car speeding along an expressway. They are laughing, holding bags of money and shooting out the back windows. A police siren can be heard in the background.