Two STRAIGHT MEN

ANNOUNCER

The Temple Theater is proud to present two of vaudeville's greatest showman -- Mr. Edwards, formerly of Edwards and Fatty -- paired up with Mr. Tyler -- formerly of Mr. Tyler and Skids! Please welcome Mr. Edwards and Mr. Tyler!

Two vaudevillian comedians -- both tall and skinny, canes and straw hats, striped jackets side-step onto stage.

MR. EDWARDS

Say there, Mr. Tyler I notice that you were carrying a ladder down the street today!

MR. tyLER

And I noticed that YOU were carrying a ladder down the street today!

They both tip their hats to the audience and side-step offstage.

EDWARDS and TYLER re-shuffle back on.

MR. TYLER

Say there, Mr. Edwards I noticed earlier today your wife was chatting with the butcher earlier today! Seems like they were GETTING ALONG!

MR. EDWARDS

That concerns me!

They both tip their hats and side-step off.

EDWARDS and TYLER re-shuffle back on.

MR. EDWARDS

Say there Mr. Tyler I will wager you one silver dollar that I can guess whatever number you think of!

MR. TYLER

Not interested!

They both tip their hats and shuffle off.

ANNOUNCER

And now ladies and gentlemen, please welcome FATTY and SKIDS!

Two FAT GUYS come on wearing straw hats and carrying seltzer bottles. They spray each other. One punches the other in the guy, who falls over. They wrestle and pull each other's pants down. One points offstage; when the other guy looks, the first one punches himself in the face; they both fall down. They leapfrog over each other and squish up their faces -- a fart noise is heard. They both tip their hats and shuffle offstage.

TYLER and EDWARDS sadly shuffle onstage and stare out at the audience. They remove their hats.

TYLER

To realize you are unnecessary is a hard thing.

EDWARDS

It is.