Two STRAIGHT MEN
ANNOUNCER
The Temple Theater is proud to present two of vaudeville's
greatest showman -- Mr. Edwards, formerly of Edwards and Fatty -- paired up
with Mr. Tyler -- formerly of Mr. Tyler and Skids! Please welcome Mr. Edwards
and Mr. Tyler!
Two vaudevillian comedians -- both tall and skinny, canes and
straw hats, striped jackets side-step onto stage.
MR. EDWARDS
Say there, Mr. Tyler I notice that you were carrying a ladder
down the street today!
MR. tyLER
And I noticed that YOU were carrying a ladder down the street
today!
They both tip their hats to the audience and side-step
offstage.
EDWARDS and TYLER re-shuffle back on.
MR. TYLER
Say there, Mr. Edwards I noticed earlier today your
wife was chatting with the butcher earlier today! Seems like they were GETTING
ALONG!
MR. EDWARDS
That concerns me!
They both tip their hats and side-step off.
EDWARDS and TYLER re-shuffle back on.
MR. EDWARDS
Say there Mr. Tyler I will wager you one silver dollar that I
can guess whatever number you think of!
MR. TYLER
Not interested!
They both tip their hats and shuffle off.
ANNOUNCER
And now ladies and gentlemen, please welcome FATTY and SKIDS!
Two FAT GUYS come on wearing straw hats and carrying seltzer
bottles. They spray each other. One punches the other in the guy, who falls
over. They wrestle and pull each other's pants down. One points offstage; when
the other guy looks, the first one punches himself in the face; they both fall
down. They leapfrog over each other and squish up their faces -- a fart noise
is heard. They both tip their hats and shuffle offstage.
TYLER and EDWARDS sadly shuffle onstage and stare out at the
audience. They remove their hats.
TYLER
To realize you are unnecessary is a hard thing.
EDWARDS
It is.