THE SUMMARY BROTHERS

ROB and BRAD take the stage. They are wearing sunglasses and are too goddamn old.

ROB

Yo, what's UP! Where are the Summary Brothers and we make the funniest rap movie parodies in HISTORY!

BRAD

Check out our number one hit "DIE HARD RAP"

Beat starts.

ROB

Once a New York cop named JOHN MCCLAINE, visited his wife who was a CALI-FORN-I-AIN!

BRAD

But terrorists took over the building she was in, so MCCLAINE had to get down with some terrorists KILLIN'

BOTH

Yo! That's what happened in that movie!
Yep! That's what happened in that movie!
DIE HARD! That's what happened in that movie!
Did you hear? That's what happened in that movie!

BRAD

Summary Brothers!

Beat stops.

ROB

Yo! The video for that rap got NINE MILLION HITS on You Tube!

BRAD

It was a picture of us doing the rap with pictures of DIE HARD floating over our heads!

ROB

This was our next hit rap, "GODFATHER RAP"

Same beat starts.

BRAD

DON CORLEONI was the head of the mob,
But he wanted his son Michael to have a different job.

ROB

But Michael was the only son who wasn't stupid or dead.

BRAD

Oh yeah, at one point someone put a horse's head in a bed!

BOTH

That's what happened in that movie.
Yo! That is what occurred in that movie.
Yep! That's what happened in that movie!
Yeah! We are restating facts of the movie!

ROB

Summary Brothers!

BRAD

Godfather!

Beat stops.

ROB

Yo, that video got TWELVE MILLION hits on break.com!

BRAD

And we won THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS from JibJab for that shit, people! We are the BEST!

ROB

Okay we got one more HIT RAP PARODY for you people.

BRAD

It's called THE SUMMARY BROTHERS.

Same beat starts.

ROB

Well when this bit started I walked out from over there,

BRAD

And soon after that I walked out from over there.

ROB

Then I performed a rap that we have done before

BRAD

And I did that rap too and then we rapped a little MORE.

BOTH

Yeah! That's what happened on this stage!
Yo! That's what we did before on this stage!
Yeah! We are restating the things you saw us do before on this stage!
Yeah! We are saying things that you have seen happen before!
Yo! We are saying things without adding a point of view!
Yeah! The things we are saying do not have a particular spin!
Yo! We are simply abstracting things you know into a rhyming form and then not doing anything!
Yeah! That's what happened on this stage!

Beat ends

ROB

Summary brothers!

BRAD

That's gonna be our next big hit, bitches!

ROB

It's gonna get 25 million hits on College Humor!

BRAD

It's gonna be us doing that rap with pictures of US floating over our heads!

ROB

We're gonna be more famous than God, yo!

BRAD

We are gonna live until the end of time yo! See the human race evolve into hairless beings without toes!

ROB

That's right! Our raps make us IMMORTAL, son!

BRAD

Good night, bitches! We'll say hello to your grandchildren!