I HAVE BOBBY BROWN IN MY BAG
Will Hines - 917-721-1138 whines@gmail.com
A PASSENGER is next in line to be examined by a
SECURITY GUARD. He has a side bag.
GUARD
Next up please.
PASSENGER
Sir, in order to not waste your time I must inform you that
your scanner will sound its alarm when it passes my bag, and
that is because inside of my bag is located the R&B singer Bobby Brown.
GUARD
Look, whatever you REALLY have in your bag I'm gonna have to
check out so just save me some time and show me.
PASSENGER opens his bag. GUARD looks.
GUARD
I'll be damned, that's Bobby Brown.
PASSENGER
Indeed.
GUARD
How'd you get Bobby Brown in there?
PASSENGER
I have a shrinking ray.
GUARD
And you shrunk Bobby Brown?
PASSENGER
It was not my intention. I was eating at my favorite cafe in
Mount Kisco, NY which is called "The Morning Nook." I intended to merely shrink
my croissant. But just as I fired the shrinking ray, Bobby Brown walked into
the path of the beam.
GUARD
Bobby Brown was in Mount Kisco, NY?
PASSANGER
Yes. He has an aunt who lives there.
GUARD
Did you shrink the croissant too?
PASSENGER
Yes.
GUARD
Let me see that.
PASSENGER shows bag.
GUARD
There it is.
PASSENGER
Yes.
GUARD
Is there some risk of Bobby Brown combining with the
croissant?
PASSENGER
You mean like in The Fly, where the scientist merges bodies
with the fly?
GUARD
That's right.
PASSENGER
I don't think that's physically possible.
GUARD
Hmmm. Okay, you can pass.
PASSENGER
You're not going to scan me?
GUARD
My gut tells me a guy as honest as you isn't hiding anything.
Go ahead.
PASSENGER
Thank you, kind sir.
PASSENGER walks on out. GUARD 2 approaches.
GUARD 1
(to GUARD 2)
Ernie, I just saw the craziest thing...
GUARD 2
Save it! The National Transit Safety Commission just released
a warning -- there's a band of terrorists who are using Tiny R&B singers to
hijack airplanes!
GUARD 1
Shit!
NARRATOR
Remember: Tiny R&B singers are the work of terrorists.
Enjoy country music, won't you? This message brought to you by Friends of
Loretta Lynn. Not the Loretta Lynn you're thinking of -- she'd never stoop to
crazy and mean
stuff like this. She is a good person.
BLACKOUT