SEC TAKES THIS SERIOUSLY
An OFFICIAL at his desk, and a MAN in his office holding
financial documents. There is a sign on the desk "SEC Auditor." The OFFICIAL
has a balloon hat on.
OFFICIAL
It's important you balance your books properly, Mr. Pervical.
I can assure you that the SEC takes any potential violations VERY seriously.
MAN looks at OFFICIAL's balloon hat.
OFFICIAL
Ah, the balloon hat. You see, I am expecting a visit from my
daughter today and it is her 5th birthday today, so I want to make sure to have
this one when she comes in. Don't take that as a sign of frivolity. I can
assure you the SEC takes all of its business VERY seriously.
OFFICIAL gets up to reveal he does not have pants on. MAN
looks at OFFICIAL's boxer shorts.
OFFICIAL
Ah yes, my lack of pants. Easy to explain, Mr. Percy. You see
I had a doctor's examination this morning and during the examination I yelped
while the nurse was taking blood, and the blood spilled on my pants. They're at
the cleaners right now. Don't let my lack of pants make you think that I am in
fact in a playful mood. Far from it. As an SEC official, I can assure you that
when we call someone in to look at their books, that we take that sort of
business very seriously.
OFFICIAL farts loudly.
OFFICIAL
Ah yes, my gas. Don't let my chronic gas convince you that
this is playtime, Mr. Percy. This is not playtime. We are working, I can assure
you of that. I can assure you that no matter how many times I pass gas in this
interview that I, as a representative of the SEC, take any appearances of
impropriety VERY seriously.
OFFICIAL's phone rings. His ring tone is Ace of Base's "The
Sign." He tries to fiddle with it. It switches to the "Can-Can". He fiddles. It
switches back to "The Sign." He farts.
OFFICIAL
Uh, you know what? Just get out of here. You're cleared.
TITLE: The True Story of Lehman Brothers Collapse, tonight on
Retarded PBS.