SEC TAKES THIS SERIOUSLY

An OFFICIAL at his desk, and a MAN in his office holding financial documents. There is a sign on the desk "SEC Auditor." The OFFICIAL has a balloon hat on.

OFFICIAL

It's important you balance your books properly, Mr. Pervical. I can assure you that the SEC takes any potential violations VERY seriously.

MAN looks at OFFICIAL's balloon hat.

OFFICIAL

Ah, the balloon hat. You see, I am expecting a visit from my daughter today and it is her 5th birthday today, so I want to make sure to have this one when she comes in. Don't take that as a sign of frivolity. I can assure you the SEC takes all of its business VERY seriously.

OFFICIAL gets up to reveal he does not have pants on. MAN looks at OFFICIAL's boxer shorts.

OFFICIAL

Ah yes, my lack of pants. Easy to explain, Mr. Percy. You see I had a doctor's examination this morning and during the examination I yelped while the nurse was taking blood, and the blood spilled on my pants. They're at the cleaners right now. Don't let my lack of pants make you think that I am in fact in a playful mood. Far from it. As an SEC official, I can assure you that when we call someone in to look at their books, that we take that sort of business very seriously.

OFFICIAL farts loudly.

OFFICIAL

Ah yes, my gas. Don't let my chronic gas convince you that this is playtime, Mr. Percy. This is not playtime. We are working, I can assure you of that. I can assure you that no matter how many times I pass gas in this interview that I, as a representative of the SEC, take any appearances of impropriety VERY seriously.

OFFICIAL's phone rings. His ring tone is Ace of Base's "The Sign." He tries to fiddle with it. It switches to the "Can-Can". He fiddles. It switches back to "The Sign." He farts.

OFFICIAL

Uh, you know what? Just get out of here. You're cleared.

TITLE: The True Story of Lehman Brothers Collapse, tonight on Retarded PBS.