APOLOGETIC EMAIL

A man is sitting at his laptop and reading his email. We hear the email read as a voiceover.

EMAIL

Hey lovers! Just a reminder that I will be at The Rusty Nail tonight, gracing everyone there with the fine folk stylings of one Erica Young! (that's me!) So I'd love it if any of you could make it. 7pm, 2 for 1 drinks until 9. Thanks! Love, Erica.

Also, if you want off this mailing list just let me know and I will take you off right away. It's okay. I know that sometimes we each decide that we're getting too much mail and we just say "enough" and don't want anymore, and I can understand that and NOT take it personally if you want off MY list. It's cool! Just email back and you will be off this list! Or if that's too awkward for you, leave your name in a white envelope on my doorstep (1014 Bedford St., Apt. 3) and when I get home tonight and see your name I will TAKE YOU OFF MY LIST and I will not even bring it up the next time I see you. It will just have happened and you and I will know but will never talk about it, except maybe years and years from now we might bring it up to see if the other person remembers and that would be a warm and nostalgic moment of shared memory, not a passive-aggressive guilting of you for not wanting to be on my folk music list. Because I get it! I GET it! There is just too much NOISE on the internet and the last thing I want to do is to be a part of it. So do not worry at all: if you want off this list, JUST TELL ME. TELL ME. TELLLLLLLLL MEEEEEEE. TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME. I. WILL. BE. COOL!

Guy READING EMAIL

She wouldn't be cool with it.