THE TWO FRIENDS WHO REASONABLY DISARM EVERY CHANCE FOR A FARCICAL SITUATION

INT. FACTORY

Two guys in powder blue collared shirts, khaki pants and brown shoes are anxiously fidgeting in place in a factory with a conveyer belt viewable behind them. They are speaking in a frantic high-pitched tone.

TITLE CARD: (the title)

CLARENCE

But Alex, you don't understand! The boss expects us to wrap all this candy!

ALEX

Clarence! I know! And we can't finish because the conveyer belt is moving so fast!

CLARENCE

Well, what are we gonna do?!

ALEX

(abruptly calm)

Well, you know what? We'll explain that the machine malfunctioned.

CLARENCE

Oh, that's smart.

Over those last two lines, ALEX puts the candy aside offscreen. The two instantly calm down and face the camera, calmly smiling, drinking coffee from cups they pulled from off-camera. They should be drinking by the time CLARENCE finishes saying "Oh, that's smart."

INT. LIVING ROOM

Same guys, same fidgeting, same tone.

ALEX

But Clarence, the landlord is only letting us live with the girls because he thinks we're gay!

CLARENCE

I know, Alex, but he overheard us saying heterosexual innuendos!

ALEX

(abruptly calm) We'll just have to tell the truth then find more reasonable living arrangements.

CLARENCE

Done.

They are drinking coffee and facing the camera, calm.

INT. DIFFERENT LIVING ROOM

Fidgeting, freaking.

CLARENCE

Alex, the boss is coming over for dinner and the roast is burning in the stove!

ALEX

(abruptly calm) We'll go to a restaurant.

CLARENCE

Oh, good!

They reach for coffee. Title Card. Out.