AGGRESSIVE BAGEL CART GUY
A BAGEL CART GUY is in a bagel cart. A MAN passes.
BAGEL CART GUY
Hey, asshole! Buy a bagel from me.
MAN
I beg your pardon?
BAGEL CART GUY
Buy a goddamned bagel from me. What, you don't like puffed
bread?
MAN
I don't like being called an asshole.
BAGEL CART GUY
That's not an answer. You want a bagel or what?
MAN
I do not.
BAGEL CART GUY
Come on!
MAN
No! I don't appreciate the way you are treating me!
BAGEL CART GUY
What, you scared?
MAN
Scared? Of what?
BAGEL CART GUY
Bagels.
MAN
And why would I be scared of bagels?
BAGEL CART GUY
I don't know. Maybe you got issues.
MAN
I most certainly do not.
BAGEL CART GUY
Jesus Crow! You could have bought like five bagels by now!
MAN
Sir! I am not hungry, and even if I were I would not
appreciate being browbeaten like this.
BAGEL CART GUY
Ah hah!
MAN
Why are you laughing?
BAGEL CART GUY
You said "browbeaten."
MAN
And what do you think "browbeaten" means?
BAGEL CART GUY
Self-hating homosexual.
MAN
It does not mean that.
BAGEL CART GUY
You sure?
MAN
Very.
BAGEL CART GUY
Hmm. I got some apologies to make to other people.
MAN
Look, is it all right if I go now?
BAGEL CART GUY
Well, is it all right if I sell several bagels to you?
MAN
How many?
BAGEL CART GUY
From four to seven.
MAN
How about three?
BAGEL CART GUY
Three is good.
BAGEL CART GUY hands MAN a large loaf of French bread.
BAGEL CART GUY
One more question, what does "crony" mean?
MAN
It means "friend."
BAGEL CART GUY
Whoops. I've been pronouncing it "asshole."
MAN
Well, that certainly explains the first thing you said to me.
BAGEL CART GUY
Good bye crony!
MAN
Good bye, asshole!