An ARTIST is talking to a CURATOR
I have made my plans for my next works for your gallery.
Oh, Jack! I am so excited!
First, I am taking blank canvas. I am putting paper on the
blank canvas. Then I am painting on paper. Then... I keep paper and give you
canvas, and you love it.
I do love it!! Blank canvas!
Good. Then next I am taking blank canvas. On this canvas I am
going to poop just a tiny bit in one of the corners. Then I am cleaning poop. I
clean it with bleach and astringent so it is gone. Then I give you canvas and
you will not know where I pooped.
Good heavens, Jack! So daring! You are enfant terrible!
Yes. Then next I am taking blank canvas. I am painting New
York Skyline. Impressionist water colors. Muted blacks and browns, punctuated
by hopeful lights from big skyscrapes.
Okay, seems.... nice....
But then I give this painting to bum, and to you I give blank
canvas that was in room while I was to be painting that one.
Ah, I see! I am clapping! I clap hard! You are bad boy! BAD
Okay, good. Next maybe I do not give you canvas. I think of a
canvas while you guess number. Then I write number down on ATM receipt and give
that to you.
Then next I say I give you painting but I no show up and
instead I am going to Action Park where I ride alpine slide and make friends
with tasteless people. They have no taste but I am their friend.
I cannot wait!!! Jack, you are so supreme! You are so delish!
Then I will put my television on wheels and a leash and walk
it down the
street. I will do this in secret and never tell you or anyone. Then I come here
and give you a punch in the face.
Ziminy zim zim! You are the thrill! Thank you so much
Jack! Thank you!
You are welcome.
I would want to be smoking now. And eating tuna melt sandwich.
CURATOR gives artist a pack of Marlboros and a plate with a
warm tuna melt on it.
When I am pooping this out I will be thinking of other things
and not you.