TIME TRAVEL CHECK

A NEWSSTAND GUY is at a newsstand. A SWEATY MAN rushes over.

SWEATY MAN

Excuse me! Excuse me! Give me a copy of today's newspaper!

NEWSSTAND SALESMAN

You are concerned that you have time traveled.

SWEATY MAN

Yes! Is it obvious?

NEWSSTAND SALESMAN

I've been doing this job a long time. Here's a paper.

SWEATY MAN

This is today's date! Oh, thank God.

NEWSSTAND SALESMAN

Let me guess: you woke up sweaty in a bed you didn't recognize with a headache.

SWEATY MAN

Yes! I immediately assumed I had time traveled and ran here.

NEWSSTAND SALESMAN

Understandable. But it sounds like you got drunk last night and ended up in someone else's bed.

SWEATY MAN

There was a woman there I barely recognized.

NEWSSTAND SALESMAN

Yes, it sounds like simple one-night stand.

SWEATY MAN

What a relief!

A MAN WEARING A SWEATER runs up.

SWEATER MAN

Quick! Give me a paper!

NEWSSTAND SALESMAN

Let me save you some time. You have not time traveled.

SWEATER MAN

How can you be sure, you fool! Give me a paper!

NEWSSTAND SALESMAN

Here.

SWEATER MAN

Hmm, this is today's date. But I woke up disoriented, the clock was an hour later than I was expecting! My sheets were a mess!

NEWSSTAND SALESMAN

Sounds like you just overslept.

SWEATER MAN

I don't know.

NEWSSTAND SALESMAN

Who was President when you went to bed last night?

SWEATIER MAN

Barack Obama.

NEWSSTAND SALESMAN

And what day was it?

SWEATIER MAN

Tuesday.

NEWSSTAND SALESMAN

Was the date this minus one?  (holds up paper).

SWEATIER MAN

Yes.

NEWSSTAND SALESMAN

Yep. You overslept.

Man in a TIN FOIL SUIT runs up.

TIN FOIL MAN

Give me a paper!

NEWSSTAND SALESMAN

I'll save you some time: yes.