TIME TRAVEL CHECK
A NEWSSTAND GUY is at a newsstand. A
SWEATY MAN rushes over.
SWEATY MAN
Excuse me! Excuse me! Give me a copy of today's newspaper!
NEWSSTAND SALESMAN
You are concerned that you have time traveled.
SWEATY MAN
Yes! Is it obvious?
NEWSSTAND SALESMAN
I've been doing this job a long time. Here's a paper.
SWEATY MAN
This is today's date! Oh, thank God.
NEWSSTAND SALESMAN
Let me guess: you woke up sweaty in a bed you didn't
recognize with a headache.
SWEATY MAN
Yes! I immediately assumed I had time traveled and ran here.
NEWSSTAND SALESMAN
Understandable. But it sounds like you got drunk last night
and ended up in someone else's bed.
SWEATY MAN
There was a woman there I barely recognized.
NEWSSTAND SALESMAN
Yes, it sounds like simple one-night stand.
SWEATY MAN
What a relief!
A MAN WEARING A SWEATER runs up.
SWEATER MAN
Quick! Give me a paper!
NEWSSTAND SALESMAN
Let me save you some time. You have not time traveled.
SWEATER MAN
How can you be sure, you fool! Give me a paper!
NEWSSTAND SALESMAN
Here.
SWEATER MAN
Hmm, this is today's date. But I woke up disoriented, the
clock was an hour later than I was expecting! My sheets were a mess!
NEWSSTAND SALESMAN
Sounds like you just overslept.
SWEATER MAN
I don't know.
NEWSSTAND SALESMAN
Who was President when you went to bed last night?
SWEATIER MAN
Barack Obama.
NEWSSTAND SALESMAN
And what day was it?
SWEATIER MAN
Tuesday.
NEWSSTAND SALESMAN
Was the date this minus one? (holds up paper).
SWEATIER MAN
Yes.
NEWSSTAND SALESMAN
Yep. You overslept.
Man in a TIN FOIL SUIT runs up.
TIN FOIL MAN
Give me a paper!
NEWSSTAND SALESMAN
I'll save you some time: yes.