CREATURE TEST

Three SCIENTISTS stand in an antarctic research station. They are all wearing gloves.

SCIENTIST 1

We know that one of is really the creature posing as a human.

SCIENTIST 2

Damned disgusting thing. It's killed everyone else on the base.

SCIENTIST 1

So I've devised a test to determine which of us it is.

SCIENTIST 1 holds up a vial of a potion.

SCIENTIST 3

I'm just going to confess. It's me. I'm the creature. I'm tired of hiding. I've been posing as this human's body for about ten hours now.

SCIENTIST 3 takes his glove off his right hand -- it's a lizard claw.

SCIENTIST 2

Dear God! That means Johnny's dead!

SCIENTIST 1

Ok, that's a big clue. Now let me explain how my test can confirm what you're saying.

SCIENTIST 2

We don't need your test. He confessed. He's got a lizard claw.

SCIENTIST 1

It definitely casts suspicion on him. Suspicion that will be cleared up only by my test.

SCIENTIST 3

No, it's me. Look, here's the head of the REAL Johnny. (pulls a head from behind a table or out of a bag). I killed him. I'm the creature.

SCIENTIST 2

Oh my God, you really are him.

SCIENTIST 1

That's something I'm pretty eager to confirm.. which I can soon do.

SCIENTIST 2

Look, SIR, forget your test! Get some rope or a gun -- we have to contain this creature!

SCIENTIST 3

I'm not going to fight. Look, I surrender.

He removes the glove from his left hand. They are both lizard claws.

SCIENTIST 1

Look, let me just explain how my test works. It's really cool. I worked hard on it.

SCIENTIST 2

It doesn't matter!

SCIENTIST 1

I examined some of its flesh after it killed Ramirez. It has some equivalent of blood, but that blood is much more conductive of electricity than ours, so...

SCIENTIST 2

Who gives a shit? He has two claws! He's shown us a head!

SCIENTIST 3

That test sounds like it would work. Here, let me put some of my blood in your vial.

He pinches a finger over the vial. The VIAL turns blue.

SCIENTIST 3

Yep, that's a good test. I'm the creature.

SCIENTIST 1

Now let me explain why the vial is turning blue.

SCIENTIST 2

No! I'm going to see if I can find the machine gun.

SCIENTIST 3

I ate it.

SCIENTIST 1

The cool thing is I'm not even a biologist. I just used the scientific method to determine a way of revealing a fact about the creature...

SCIENTIST 2

STOP TALKING! We've FOUND the CREATURE!

SCIENTIST 3

If I was still hiding, why would I agree to such a test.

SCIENTIST 1

I didn't expect you to. Once someone refused to take the test I'd shoot them with this (reveals hyperdermic needle) -- a potion I created that should render the creature unconscious.

SCIENTIST 3

Interesting!

SCIENTIST 2

Oh my God! Use it! Subdue the creature!

SCIENTIST 1

Let me explain how it works!

THAT'S IT.