"NO SPOILERS" TIME TRAVEL
ALAN and BOB are wearing lab coats. A refrigerator-sized BOX
is on stage.
SFX: TIME TRAVEL SOUNDS!
CHARLES bursts out of the box, wearing a tin foil suit.
CHARLES
Guys, it works! TIME TRAVEL WORKS! I was in the future!
ALAN and BOB cheer!
ALAN and BOB
Yeah! All right!
CHARLES
I only went a month forward to check, but I was definitely in
the future! I was at the World Series!
ALAN covers his ears.
ALAN
det det det det det! Don't tell me who was in the World
Series! I want to be surprised!
BOB
Come on, it's going to be the Yankees!
ALAN
You don't know that!
CHARLES
Okay! I won't say who was playing... Well, I kind of HAVE to
say where I was. I was in New York.
BOB
YANKEES!
ALAN
Damn it, Charles!
CHHARLES
I'm sorry, I'm sorry! But the point is I traveled through
space AND time. I WAS IN NEW YORK IN THE FUTURE! I took the train into Times
Square...
ALAN
Near the movie theaters?
CHARLES
Uh, yeah, I guess.
ALAN
DON'T TELL ME HOW THE INFORMANT IS DOING!
CHARLES
The Soderberg movie?
BOB
Yeah, Alan and I have a pool over what will be the
top-grossing art slash mainstream hit of October.
ALAN
And I am going to WIN THAT BET! "Precious" is going to rock!
CHARLES
Who cares? I WAS IN THE FUTURE! Look, I bought a copy of the
paper to show you the date!
BOB
DON'T SHOW IT TO ME! I can see there's a story on the yields
of wheat crops in India! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!
CHARLES
About the yields of wheat crops?
ALAN
We're studying them! If we know the results we'll be biased
about how we observe the results, Charles!
BOB
You should know that Charles, you're a scientist!
CHARLES
Look, guys I NEED to be able to tell you what happened on my
trip wihtout worrying about "ruining" things for you!
ALAN
Okay, you're right.
BOB
What happened after you bought the newspaper
LINCOLN, HITLER, CAVEMAN and a GREEN ALIEN WITH HELMET exit
the machine.
CHARLES
Shit got weird.
BLACKOUT