TERI GARR HAS BEEN SHOT INTO SPACE

We see footage of a space shuttle launching.

CUT TO: Inside the cockpit. TERI GARR is there. She's talking on the radio.

TERI GARR

Hello? Is anyone there? This is Teri Garr. I've accidentally shot myself into space.

MISSION CONTROL

(frantic)

Hello? Hello? Who is this? HOW DID YOU STEAL THE SPACE SHUTTLE?

TERI GARR

Oh good heavens, calm DOWN! Everything is fine -- no one STOLE anything. This Teri Garr, you know, the actress? I just accidentally launched it when I was on a tour. Don't say I STOLE. That's rude.

MISSION CONTROL

What tour? There are no tours of the space shuttle!

TERI GARR

I sort of gave myself one. I just has someone drive me up to Cape Canaveral, and I climbed the ladder. I just wanted to poke around and now there's all this happening.

MISSION CONTROL

By "all this happening" you mean you launching yourself into space?

TERI GARR

Well, yeah. It's funny, I was nosing around this, um.. driving area...

MISSION CONTROL

Cockpit.

TERI GARR

Yes, cockpit. Wow, that's a weird name. Anyway, I just totally fell on my fanny (laughs) and the thing launched. Isn't that strange? Do you ever say fanny? Do you know what I mean by that?

MISSION CONTROL

"Fanny" to mean "rear end?" Yes, sometimes.

TERI GARR

In Britain, it means something much more dirty, you know.

MISSION CONTROL

I've heard that. Miss Garr, you are in real trouble. I'm not sure how we can get you back safely.

TERI GARR

Oh fine, don't worry about it. I'll get it back somehow. Don't get your pants in a bunch.

MISSION CONTROL

You can't just "get it back" -- you'd have to land it! It's a very difficult procedure.

TERI GARR

I know -- I've really  stepped in it this time. Oh boy. Okay, well, you know I'll just land it. Where should I bring it? Florida?

MISSION CONTROL

Sure, Florida. Wait -- you don't know how to land. Er, do you?

TERI GARR

Well, I've never done it of course. But I'm pretty mechanical. People don't assume that about me but I am. I'm very capable. I was in a movie with Elvis.

MISSION CONTROL

Yes, I knew that. I'm a big fan of yours, actually.

TERI GARR

How sweet! Thank you for saying that.

MISSION CONTROL

You're welcome. I loved you in Young Frankenstein, of course. And Tootsie. But I love you in all your movies. Mr. Mom, and Close Encounters of the Third Kind. I even got the DVDs of the episodes of Friends where you appear.

TERI GARR

Okay, I landed it.

MISSION CONTROL

What?

SHOT of exterior of SPACE SHUTTLE. It's landed safely on a runway.

TERI GARR

Yeah, I landed it. It's very hard, you were right! Okay, could you send someone over here to pick me up? I don't want to walk back.

MISSION CONTROL

Uh, okay. Wow, Miss Garr you really are amazing!

TERI GARR

Thank you.

TERI GARR and the guy from MISSION CONTROL become friends for a while, exchanging email and Facebook messages. But after six months they run out of things to say and they stop contacting each other. The guy from MISSION CONTROL had fantasies about having an affair with TERI GARR but that was never on her mind. She's famous and meets people all the time; it's hard to really rivet her attention.