YOU CHECK FOR ME

Split screen between a MAN working at his desk and a WOMAN waking up in bed. She's phoning the MAN.

MAN

Hello, this is Jack.

WOMAN

What time is it?

MAN

Carrie? Are you still in bed?

WOMAN

Yeah, we stayed out too late last night. What time is it?

MAN

Can't you just look at your clock?

WOMAN

Come on! You do it. I'm tired! Is it raining out?

MAN

There's no windows where I work. Just get up and look out of the window.

WOMAN

Check the weather and then put it on twitter. I'll check it with my phone.

MAN

Then YOU check a weather site! I'm working. Hang on, another call.

Three way split screen, now with another GUY, who is also waking up in his bed.

GUY

Jack! It's Sam. Man, we raged at that bar, right?

MAN

I guess, yeah.

GUY

Hey man, do my shoes fit?

He drops his feet out of the sheets. We see he is wearing shoes.

MAN

How do you mean?

GUY

I mean, do my shoes fit. I bought new shoes last week and I'm wearing them. Do they fit?

MAN

How should I know? You're wearing them!

GUY

Just tell me! Put it on twitter.

MAN

No. Hold on, another call.

Four way split, another GIRL.

GIRL

Jack! It's Gina. Fun times at O'Mulligans, dude. The whole gang was there. Hey, let me ask you: do I exist?

MAN

I beg your pardon?

GIRL

Do I exist? Am I a sentient being with its own soul, or is my feeling of existence an illusion?

MAN

I'm not sure how to answer that, at least not quickly.

GIRL

Find out and tweet that shit. I need to know!

WOMAN

Is that Gina? Ask her if I exist. I've been wondering.

GIRL

Tell Gina I think maybe none of us exist.

GUY

Jack! I think my shoes might fit. Am I right?

MAN

I have no idea if they fit. Look guys, I need to work. Just because I'm the onlly one who has a day job.

WOMAN

Jack! Don't be a derdickles! What times is it, what's the weather like and do we exist?

GUY

You're being a derdickles, duder.

GIRL

Total Von Dee Dirdickleston, d-bag.

MAN

I don't know! You all just have to get up!

He hangs up. All the screens vanish except for MAN. BOSS walks up to MAN's cubicle.

BOSS

Got your report. Am I happy with it?

MAN

You are. What is a derdickles?

BOSS

I don't think that's a work people say. It sounds like it's meant to be a derogatory term, though.

MAN

Thank you.

BOSS walks away. MAN starts glowing. He grows a halo. A giant hand reaches down from space and pulls him up into the cloud where it puts him in a first-class compartment in a train which drives him to heaven.