ACTUAL FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
A MAN is sitting at his computer. A VOICEOVER reads
questions, and the man types the answers. That implies that people write FAQs
by answering submitting questions, which is not how it works. This should not
be a sketch.
VOICEOVER
CAR-STEREO-SELF-INSTALLTION.COM - Frequently Asked Questions.
VOICEOVER
Question 1: Where on this site can I buy car stereos?
Answer: This site does not sell car stereos, it merely provides instructions
and tips on how to install them.
VOICEOVER
Question 2: My Sony car stereo VX-100 has stopped working.
Can I get a refund?
Answer: We are not Sony or any other car stereo manufacturer. We therefore have
nothing to do with issuing refunds. We provide instructions and tips on how to
install car stereos.
VOICEOVER
Question 3: Who gives a shit about how to install car
stereos?
Answer: Although your question implies that no one would be interested, the
makers of this site assume that some people would be interested.
VOICEOVER
Question: There is no way that this site makes money.
Answer: That is not a question. But to respond: with sufficient views, one
could make money selling ad space on this site. Also, the makers of the site
are not primarily interested in making money but simply providing a resource
they themselves would have been interested in.
VOICEOVER
Question: Why are you going this? Answer in terms of human
nature.
Answer: Human beings are tool makers who work well in groups. Somewhere in our
nature is the desire to identify problems and solve them. This web site solves
a perceived problem that there is not enough instructions for car stereos out
there.
VOICEOVER
Question: Where do you get off thinking you have the right to
answer questions? Do you have a God complex?
Answer: If you're wondering about our qualifications, the makers of this site
have installed car stereos professionally for more than four years, completing
at least 65 installations. As for their emotional motivations, yes they have a
God complex.
VOICEOVER
Question: I'm getting older and I'm starting to obsess about
death. How can I reconcile the truth that we all must die with my desire to be
happy in my current moment?
Answer: Although that does not have anything to do with car stereos, it is a
Frequently Asked Question. Our best answer is to adopt a pragmatic approach: be
in denial that death ever occurs. Although you know this to be false, you need
to live boldly and bravely in order to be happy.
VOICEOVER
Question: How can I get this goddamn plastic cover off of
this thing I bought? It's like heat sealed or something!
Answer: Another Frequently Asked Question beyond the scope of this site. We
assume you've purchased something in hermetically sealed plastic molding. They
are frustrating. Try scissors. If you don't have any, try piercing it with your
car keys.
VOICEOVER
Question: I'm sad sometimes.
Answer: We are too.
VOICEOVER
Question: I used to reminisce about happy times in my life,
like a brief period in college where I was going to parties where I knew just
enough people to be comfortable but not so many as to be bored. But then even
those daydreams were boring so I retroactively improve them, making myself more
bold and interesting than I actually was.
Answer: There's nothing wrong with that in and of itself. I would bet everyone
does that to some degree.
VOICEOVER
Question: Is something okay merely because lots of people do
it?
Answer: Not because, but it often correlates.
VOICEOVER
Question: There are red, white and yellow wires hanging out
of the back of my Bose Ultima. Does it matter which order I attach them to the
electric housing of my Honda?
Answer: It doesn't matter.