GYM TEACHER DESCRIBES MURDER
INT. POLICE PRECINCT.
A few police officers are working and mulling about. GUS
STRANG, high school gym teacher, runs in panting. He's wearing a red Adidas
sweatsuit and a whistle around his neck.
GUS
Oh my God! Please! I need to speak to a police officer!
OFFICER
Whoa calm down buddy, what is it?
GUS
I just witnessed a robbery! A man held up a couple at
gunpoint! I'm so scared!
OFFICER
Take a breath, sir. Where did this happen?
GUS
PIPE DOWN, SOPHOMORE! Oh, sorry, I'm a high school gym
teacher, it's just a reflex, didn't mean...
OFFICER
It's okay. Now where was this robbery happening?
GUS
Outside Pathmark, up at Center Street.
TWO OFFICERS hear this and take off.
OFFICER
Look, hopefully they will catch the perpetrators. In the meantime, let's get a description of them.
OFFICER gets out a notebook.
GUS
LET'S WATCH THE ATTITUDE, MISTER! Whoa, sorry... gym
teacher...
OFFICER
It's... okay. Just tell me what the mugger looked like.
GUS
Sure. Now, rule of thumb, you want to make sure you stay
totally hydrated before you do any intense bench pressing.
OFFICER
Um, that doesn't mean anything. We want a description.
GUS
Oh man, that was just my weightlifting speech -- I've given
it so many times...
OFFICER
How tall was the man?
GUS
Thing of it is, rule of thumb, (pant) nine times out of
ten.... you're gonna wanna just give it your all...
OFFICER
Sir, you're just saying... cliches, I think.
GUS
Right, Right! Sorry! I'm so shook up! Description, of course.
He was about five foot ten, he had a stocking pulled over his face.
OFFICER
All right, what build?
GUS
IT'S NINETY PERCENT PERSPIRATION, TEN PERCENT INSPIRATION,
OKAY PAL? Wait, I'm sorry. Um, I mean -- let's just stretch our hammies. C'mon,
stretch 'em....
GUS starts to stretch his hamstrings.
NOPE