GYM TEACHER DESCRIBES MURDER

INT. POLICE PRECINCT.

A few police officers are working and mulling about. GUS STRANG, high school gym teacher, runs in panting. He's wearing a red Adidas sweatsuit and a whistle around his neck.

GUS

Oh my God! Please! I need to speak to a police officer!

OFFICER

Whoa calm down buddy, what is it?

GUS

I just witnessed a robbery! A man held up a couple at gunpoint! I'm so scared!

OFFICER

Take a breath, sir. Where did this happen?

GUS

PIPE DOWN, SOPHOMORE! Oh, sorry, I'm a high school gym teacher, it's just a reflex, didn't mean...

OFFICER

It's okay. Now where was this robbery happening?

GUS

Outside Pathmark, up at Center Street.

TWO OFFICERS hear this and take off.

OFFICER

Look, hopefully they will catch the perpetrators. In the meantime, let's get a description of them.

OFFICER gets out a notebook.

GUS

LET'S WATCH THE ATTITUDE, MISTER! Whoa, sorry... gym teacher...

OFFICER

It's... okay. Just tell me what the mugger looked like.

GUS

Sure. Now, rule of thumb, you want to make sure you stay totally hydrated before you do any intense bench pressing.

OFFICER

Um, that doesn't mean anything. We want a description.

GUS

Oh man, that was just my weightlifting speech -- I've given it so many times...

OFFICER

How tall was the man?

GUS

Thing of it is, rule of thumb, (pant) nine times out of ten.... you're gonna wanna just give it your all...

OFFICER

Sir, you're just saying... cliches, I think.

GUS

Right, Right! Sorry! I'm so shook up! Description, of course. He was about five foot ten, he had a stocking pulled over his face.

OFFICER

All right, what build?

GUS

IT'S NINETY PERCENT PERSPIRATION, TEN PERCENT INSPIRATION, OKAY PAL? Wait, I'm sorry. Um, I mean -- let's just stretch our hammies. C'mon, stretch 'em....

GUS starts to stretch his hamstrings.

NOPE