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INT. C-SPAN Broadcast: U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission Hearing.
VOICEOVER
And now commissioners from the SEC as well as U.S. Senators
question Wall Street leaders about continued recovery of the economy.
Testifying today are the chairman of Goldman Sachs, Citigroup and Bank of America.
SEC COMMISSIONERS CHAIRMAN MARY SCHAPIRO preside the hearing. Also present are Senators SAXY CHAMBLISS, SCOTT BROWN.
Testifying are LLOYD BLANKFEIN, CEO of Goldman Sachs, Citigroup CEO RICHARD DEAN PARSONS, Bank of America CHARLES O. HOLLIDAY.
MARY SCHAPIRO
Gentlemen, we're
simply following up on how the economy is recovering from its collapse three
years ago.
So there's no investigation but I remind you that you are under oath.
All three CHAIRMAN nod. They are cooperative and humble.
MARY SCHAPIRO
Mr. Holliday, we'll start with you. Is Bank of America doing
everything it can to honor regulations and help bring balance to our economy?
HOLLIDAY
(confidently)
No.
MARY SCHAPIRO
Excuse me? Are you admitting to the SEC that you are NOT
following regulations?
The CHAIRMAN are confused at SCHAPIRO'S anger.
HOLLIDAY
You... you said we were under oath, right?
PARSONS
We shouldn't lie, right?
MARY SCHAPIRO
No, but... look I'm asking for the record if you are
upholding regulations and trying to protect the health of the economy.
HOLLIDAY
(slowly, like talking to a child)
Yeah, and I'm TELLING you for the record that we are NOT. I
mean, are we under oath or not? I don't get this!
HOLLIDAY looks at other senators with a "what's with her?"
look.
PARSONS
Ms. Chairman, with all due respect, it's not our job to
heal the economy. We make money for our companies. You guys set the rules and
we do our darnedest to get around or just outright break 'em!
CHAIRMAN all nod and smile in agreement.
MARY SCHAPIRO
Gentlemen, if you admit to defying regulations, the SEC will
be forced to press charges.
HOLLIDAY
So you want us to lie?
MARY SCHAPIRO
No!
PARSONS
Ok, then yeah we're trying to defy the crap out of those
regulations. Always have, always will.
MARY SCHAPIRO
Mr. Parsons, that is inappropriate.
PARSONS
Don't get mad at me! You guys are the one putting this "oath"
stuff on us!
MARY SCHAPIRO
Mr. Blankfein, what does Goldman Sachs have to say for itself?
BLANKFEIN
I'm loving this! I'm not stressed. I'll
remind the hearing that Goldman Sachs was the first major investment firm to
have a profitable quarter after the collapse! We're doing great!
MARY SCHAPIRO
But wasn't that helped by how you created investments that
would rise if mortgages failed, and then deliberately helped mortgages to fail?
BLANKEIN
I am outraged! Or rather I would be if I weren't under oath!
But since I am, I must admit that is exactly what we did!
PARSONS
It really is!
SENATOR CHAMBLISS
As long as we're under oath, I should probably point out that
it sure looks like I hate Muslims.
SENATOR BROWN
And I seem to have been elected because my good looks helped
people forget I might be dumb!
MARY SCHAPIRO
Senators, you two are not under oath! And no one's asking you
anything! Back to you three -- Wall Street needs to get its act together and
act responsibly!
HOLLIDAY, PARSONS, BLANKEIN
No!
MARY SCHAPIRO
What do you mean, "no?"
HOLLIDAY
That's just not the way it works! As long as we're under
oath, I should say that all of Wall Street -- all investments anywhere -- is a
game to get people to give you money now in the promise for more later. So
we're doing our job if we get the MOST money now and give the least LATER, no
matter what! It's all we think about!
PARSONS
Yeah, in a way the only difference between Wall Street and a
pyramid scheme is how quickly you take on new investors --
BLANKFEIN
If you're honest with yourself, Karl Marx was probably right
about the economy!
HOLLIDAY
Economically, yeah he was probably right!
MARY SCHAPIRO
Gentlemen, please! Show some decorum.
PARSONS
Are we no longer under oath?
MARY SCHAPIRO
You are under oath.
PARSONS
Well, then I'm cheating on my wife.
HOLLIDAY
Me too.
BLANKFEIN
I do love my children but it's only because they remind me of
me.
SENATOR CHAMBLISS
You know, I knew the campaign donations I accepted last year
were probably
illegal.
MARY SCHAPIRO
Senator Chambliss, you're NOT under oath!
SENATOR CHAMBLISS
My mistake.
MARY SCHAPIRO
Well, gentlemen. I don't know how else to put this: we will
be recommending to the Justice Department to charge each of you to the full
extent of the law.
HOLLIDAY
Okay, great! And we'll do our darnedest to get out of
everything you throw at us!
PARSONS
Yeah, or at least delay it long enough until its someone
else's problem!
BLANKFEIN
You got that right! By the way, I cheated on a spelling bee I
was in when I was eleven!
HOLLIDAY
I hate short people!
PARSONS
I'm scared to death of octopi!
MARY SCHAPIRO
This hearing is adjourned! You're no longer under oath.
HOLLIDAY
Really?
MARY SCHAPIRO
Yes.
PARSONS
Well let me just say that we respect you and think you look
lovely.
MARY SCHAPIRO
Get out of here, jerks.